The Quiet One
You always here on the news about the guy next door, you know the ones, “Oh he was so quiet I would have never suspected he was the Prince of Darkness ruler of all evil and gruesome death who liked to chop people up into tiny little pieces and feed them to his three legged Chihuahua with one eye .”
I live next to some of the loudest most retarded neighbors on the planet and I must say I’m pretty damn happy. If for some reason they move away and I get some single guy moving in next door who keeps to himself, never borrows anything and has his groceries delivered to his door, while the delivery man knocks threes times…..waits two steps and then knocks again before a 20 is slipped under the door, I’m out of here. Crap I think I just described myself.
“Well I’m heading out.” Sped says to me
“Really? Why the hell did you come in anyway?” I ask him
“I dunno.”
“So you leave at 1:00pm to catch the UPS guy at your house, who doesn’t show up until 6:00pm, then roll back into here for no apparent reason, and then leave 45 minutes later?”
“Yeah”
“Humph”
“Yeah well you only have one student in the quiet lab and one out here so you should be fine.”
“I was fine before you showed up…….. Anyway who’s the one student in the lab room?” I ask
“I dunno stocky, blonde, sits in the same place every time.”
DUN, DUN, DUN
“Oh crap, you mean that creepy guy who always wears the same cloths?”
“Maybe”
“And sits right next to the door?”
“Yeah I guess”
“And has a third arm growing out of his back?”
“What…huh……NO!”
“Just seeing if your paying attention, but is this one really QUIET?”
“Yeah kinda, why who is he?”
“Oh I dunno just some guy.”
“Well I’m sure you’ll be fine.”
I cringe as he walks off out of site. This guy is really weird; he always has the same facial expression no matter what. I mean the guys foot could be on fire and you would walk up to him and say “Hey guy (like I care what his name is) you know your foots on fire” and he would just look down, look back up at you and say “yeah, so” while chewing on the side of his cheek. I cracked a joke at this guy once to try and break the tension and all he did was look down at me for what seemed an eternity without saying a word, without blinking, hell I don’t even think he was breathing, and then finally he said “That wasn’t funny.” Turned and walked away.
Freaky huh?
He also never wants to leave this place. In fact he even scares the Zombies out of the center, which up until that started happening I didn’t think they were scared of anything, but you know what, they are, they are indeed, they are scared of “That Guy”. I’m not even sure he is a student here; he just appears out of no where. Fucking little Houdini bastard.
I look up at the clock, 50 minutes until closing. I hate trying to get him out of here, he never takes the hint. Usually I just lock up and leave, when I come back the next day I’m just thankful he’s gone and I still have my life. You all laugh but we get some pretty freaky people in here considering we give loans out to anything that can still move and has a slight pulse. Wait……scratch that……..I don’t think you need a pulse either, and there might be a check box on the application for “moving” being optional. Anyway, let’s get back to “The Guy”. I walk over to the water cooler where there is a large glass window looking into the quiet lab. How fitting the quiet guy always sits in the quiet lab. Crouched down I raise my eye lids up as far as they can go to the point that they hurt to scan the room through the glass.
I pear around the room……nothing, empty. The little bastard disappeared on me. Well no worries, at least I don’t have to try and push him out of the center……or worry about starting my car. I look down at my glass as the water trickles from the cooler filling it up. I stand up and take a deep gulp.
“Ahhhh, it’s good, it’s good.” I say to myself.
I turn around and “Holy shit, where the hell did you come from….I mean can I help you?” It’s “The Guy”. Fuckin Houdini bastard.
“No you can’t.” He says keeping his head down but raising only his eyes just enough to meet with mine……damn that’s creepy.
“Ummmm, ok, I’m cool with that.” I say trying to act all non-scared and what not. “I mean, I’m cool if your cool, that is to say if your cool with me being cool about being cool then I’m cool, otherwise I’m not cool, I’m just….you know…..”
In a very low voice he says “Shut the fuck up and move.” staring at me until finally letting out an evil smirk. I shuffle out of his way spilling half my water as I try to suck myself up to the glass window like holiday window cling.
He didn’t even raise his voice when he said that, and it still sounded scary as hell, what a freak. I think he might be an alien, or a robot, or worse yet, an alien robot guy. Staring at me with those dark eyes, probably reading my thoughts right now, yeah an evil robot guy from space or something. I think I saw an X-Files episode about him, it was called “Evil scary robot alien guy from outer space”, or something along those lines…..I’m sure of it.
Like a dark shadow of sinister death he slithers back into the quiet lab to do whatever it is he does. Five minutes to close I start walking around the center to lock up. The doctor comes out of the medical lab shutting off the lights as he leaves the room. This is in direct sight of the “The Guy” in the quiet lab; you think he would get the hint, but not this guy, nope. I head into the quiet lab and lock the door leading to the normal outside world in which I am from and “The Guy” is not. Oh how I can’t wait to go through that door. I start turning off all the machines near him watching myself so I don’t get to close. Like a hungry lion he follows my every move around the room, as if he is waiting until my guard is down to pounce.
“So I guess it’s time to close up shop here……yep……..8 o’clock….time to close.”
“No it’s not” he says to me
“Ummmm, no it’s not time.” Holy shit is he using Jedi mind tricks on me “wait, wait, yes it is.” I repeat
“I said, NO IT IS NOT”
“Yes, well I’ll just be in here if you need me then.” Scurrying off before I get a knife in my back
With this I walk out of the quiet lab, lock the remaining doors grab my stuff and get the hell out of there. I put the car key into my car door and glance up at the fifth floor window seeing only a dark shadow standing there. I hesitate, afraid to open the door. Where was he for those fifteen minutes I didn’t see him in the center? I peak under my car, nope no foreign objects. I slowly open the door wincing, waiting, anticipating a bomb to go off or something. Nothing…..silent. I breathe a sigh of relief, sit down in my car and start it up…..oh shit, what if it was rigged to the ignition…..stupid, stupid, stupid. Well nothing happened this time, thank god, but you have to watch out “for the quiet ones”.
Fucking Houdini bustard…………
I live next to some of the loudest most retarded neighbors on the planet and I must say I’m pretty damn happy. If for some reason they move away and I get some single guy moving in next door who keeps to himself, never borrows anything and has his groceries delivered to his door, while the delivery man knocks threes times…..waits two steps and then knocks again before a 20 is slipped under the door, I’m out of here. Crap I think I just described myself.
“Well I’m heading out.” Sped says to me
“Really? Why the hell did you come in anyway?” I ask him
“I dunno.”
“So you leave at 1:00pm to catch the UPS guy at your house, who doesn’t show up until 6:00pm, then roll back into here for no apparent reason, and then leave 45 minutes later?”
“Yeah”
“Humph”
“Yeah well you only have one student in the quiet lab and one out here so you should be fine.”
“I was fine before you showed up…….. Anyway who’s the one student in the lab room?” I ask
“I dunno stocky, blonde, sits in the same place every time.”
DUN, DUN, DUN
“Oh crap, you mean that creepy guy who always wears the same cloths?”
“Maybe”
“And sits right next to the door?”
“Yeah I guess”
“And has a third arm growing out of his back?”
“What…huh……NO!”
“Just seeing if your paying attention, but is this one really QUIET?”
“Yeah kinda, why who is he?”
“Oh I dunno just some guy.”
“Well I’m sure you’ll be fine.”
I cringe as he walks off out of site. This guy is really weird; he always has the same facial expression no matter what. I mean the guys foot could be on fire and you would walk up to him and say “Hey guy (like I care what his name is) you know your foots on fire” and he would just look down, look back up at you and say “yeah, so” while chewing on the side of his cheek. I cracked a joke at this guy once to try and break the tension and all he did was look down at me for what seemed an eternity without saying a word, without blinking, hell I don’t even think he was breathing, and then finally he said “That wasn’t funny.” Turned and walked away.
Freaky huh?
He also never wants to leave this place. In fact he even scares the Zombies out of the center, which up until that started happening I didn’t think they were scared of anything, but you know what, they are, they are indeed, they are scared of “That Guy”. I’m not even sure he is a student here; he just appears out of no where. Fucking little Houdini bastard.
I look up at the clock, 50 minutes until closing. I hate trying to get him out of here, he never takes the hint. Usually I just lock up and leave, when I come back the next day I’m just thankful he’s gone and I still have my life. You all laugh but we get some pretty freaky people in here considering we give loans out to anything that can still move and has a slight pulse. Wait……scratch that……..I don’t think you need a pulse either, and there might be a check box on the application for “moving” being optional. Anyway, let’s get back to “The Guy”. I walk over to the water cooler where there is a large glass window looking into the quiet lab. How fitting the quiet guy always sits in the quiet lab. Crouched down I raise my eye lids up as far as they can go to the point that they hurt to scan the room through the glass.
I pear around the room……nothing, empty. The little bastard disappeared on me. Well no worries, at least I don’t have to try and push him out of the center……or worry about starting my car. I look down at my glass as the water trickles from the cooler filling it up. I stand up and take a deep gulp.
“Ahhhh, it’s good, it’s good.” I say to myself.
I turn around and “Holy shit, where the hell did you come from….I mean can I help you?” It’s “The Guy”. Fuckin Houdini bastard.
“No you can’t.” He says keeping his head down but raising only his eyes just enough to meet with mine……damn that’s creepy.
“Ummmm, ok, I’m cool with that.” I say trying to act all non-scared and what not. “I mean, I’m cool if your cool, that is to say if your cool with me being cool about being cool then I’m cool, otherwise I’m not cool, I’m just….you know…..”
In a very low voice he says “Shut the fuck up and move.” staring at me until finally letting out an evil smirk. I shuffle out of his way spilling half my water as I try to suck myself up to the glass window like holiday window cling.
He didn’t even raise his voice when he said that, and it still sounded scary as hell, what a freak. I think he might be an alien, or a robot, or worse yet, an alien robot guy. Staring at me with those dark eyes, probably reading my thoughts right now, yeah an evil robot guy from space or something. I think I saw an X-Files episode about him, it was called “Evil scary robot alien guy from outer space”, or something along those lines…..I’m sure of it.
Like a dark shadow of sinister death he slithers back into the quiet lab to do whatever it is he does. Five minutes to close I start walking around the center to lock up. The doctor comes out of the medical lab shutting off the lights as he leaves the room. This is in direct sight of the “The Guy” in the quiet lab; you think he would get the hint, but not this guy, nope. I head into the quiet lab and lock the door leading to the normal outside world in which I am from and “The Guy” is not. Oh how I can’t wait to go through that door. I start turning off all the machines near him watching myself so I don’t get to close. Like a hungry lion he follows my every move around the room, as if he is waiting until my guard is down to pounce.
“So I guess it’s time to close up shop here……yep……..8 o’clock….time to close.”
“No it’s not” he says to me
“Ummmm, no it’s not time.” Holy shit is he using Jedi mind tricks on me “wait, wait, yes it is.” I repeat
“I said, NO IT IS NOT”
“Yes, well I’ll just be in here if you need me then.” Scurrying off before I get a knife in my back
With this I walk out of the quiet lab, lock the remaining doors grab my stuff and get the hell out of there. I put the car key into my car door and glance up at the fifth floor window seeing only a dark shadow standing there. I hesitate, afraid to open the door. Where was he for those fifteen minutes I didn’t see him in the center? I peak under my car, nope no foreign objects. I slowly open the door wincing, waiting, anticipating a bomb to go off or something. Nothing…..silent. I breathe a sigh of relief, sit down in my car and start it up…..oh shit, what if it was rigged to the ignition…..stupid, stupid, stupid. Well nothing happened this time, thank god, but you have to watch out “for the quiet ones”.
Fucking Houdini bustard…………
posted by Mr. Cheese @ 9:15 PM
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