Take Out Or Delivery?
Originally posted Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Today was answer phone day. Seems like working alone is becoming an all to familiarity.
-BEEP- “Hey, can you take a question from a student, seems he can’t log into the web site or something and needs help”
I'm in a good mood, I'll play along. “Sure” I say “send him through” Moments later my phone springs to life ringing aloud. It’s early, but not to early to have some fun I think to myself. With a quick jab from my hand I send the receiver airborne catching the cord in my hand while deliberately allowing it to bounce off of my desk like a cheap yo-yo. After about five or six bangs on the desk, I grab the receiver and hold it tight in my hand while running it across the carpet as fast as I can in a forward/backward motion creating the illusion of bad static. Bringing the receiver up to my ear.
“Dominos pizza, take out or delivery?” I say
“Ah, isn’t this the school?” a confused voice asks on the other end.
“Nope wrong floor let me connect you” With that I hang up the receiver and return to my daily obligations. (Surfing the net for free porn to download on our T2 line)
-BEEP- “That student is back on line one, says something about getting transferred to a pizza place and then disconnected” The voice from the speaker phone tells me.
“Ok send him through, and this time try not to screw it up ok! I don’t want to tell the boss you’re the reason our students are complaining.” Ever see one of those ant farms, where all the ants look so busy bouncing into each other and the walls around them, all of them in some kind of big hurry yet none of them look like they have any clue as to what is going on? Yeah well, ever since our secretary quiet 2 days ago that’s kinda what it looks like around here, so messing with anyone answering phones is a highlight of my day now.
“Well…..I thought…….I mean…..I hit the……”
“Stop bubbling like a fool and send the call through for Christ sake before the student gets upset from waiting so long on hold” I tell him. My phone begins to ring once again. And ring. And ring, on the last ring before voicemail I pick up the phone.
“Hello?”
“Yeah hi, I’m having some trouble with the web site” He begins to explain to me in his own terms what he thinks is going on. “when I log in I see a screen and then it disappears, so I closed it, but when I typed the password it said error, so I went into tools, but the audio isn’t coming up, so I opened another and then got in, but I got a Java collision error, so I rebooted, and the static from the carpet made the mouse jump, so I…….”
I interrupt at this point “Have you been drinking sir?” I ask
“No…………….” long pause of silence “why?”
“No reason, how about paint chips?" I ask"
"Ah no I don't think so" He says
"Well never mind, anyway, can you or can you not log into the website?”
“Yes!”
“Yes you can log into the site, or yes you can’t log into the site?” Now I'm getting confused dammit.
He reaffirms his first answer again “Yes!”
“Ok sir, I don’t think you are understanding me, when you double click on the blue "E" on your desktop, and then type in our website and click "GO", you are prompted with a login and password box. Right?
"Yes" he says
"ok" I say "now are you entering your user name in the username field?”
“Yes, yes I am” He assures me.
“Good, were getting somewhere, now below that box is a password box, are you entering your password into that box.”
“Yes!”
“Very good, and after typing these in and hitting the enter key….”
“The what key?” Ok, I think I have determined what the problem is at this point, he is a fucking moron. I begin walking him through each step as he is actually doing it.
“Ok, so you are now logged into the web site and can see your course and course materials, right?”
Once again he assures me with his standard response “Yes!”
“Very good, now what happens when you try to start the lesson?”
“Well that’s when I see a flash and nothing else happens”
“A flash huh…….did little people tell you to walk into the light?"
"huh?" he responds
"Never mind……. anyway, did you read the warning that popped up when you clicked on the lesson explaining that a new window is going to open, and in order for it to open you need to turn off pop up blockers on your machine.”
“Ah no……I always just click through those, I don’t have time to read them all you know” He says.
“Right but you have enough time to call me and waste the last 20 minutes figuring out what is wrong instead of just reading a 30 second message from the school that would have solved everything.”
“Yes!” He says once again. (This guy should do really well in the corporate world)
“Well, turn off your pop up blocker and everything will work just fine, not to mention you can keep fueling the ever increasing spyware fire on the internet by clicking through all those messages that pop up.” (No wonder we have so much spyware, with idiots like this, I don't know why I'm not doing it.) Dead silence, I wait for a response. Tapping fingers on desk, place phone down, walk to coffee machine, get a cup of coffee, bullshit with a few students, finish coffee, run to bathroom, walk up to 4rth floor to see how construction on new business is coming and to steel whatever tools are lying around while the construction workers are on lunch break, return to desk, pick up phone which is still silent. “Anything yet?” I ask
“Nope….not….yet……oh wait, yep its working now, thanks a bunch.”
“Great” I say placing the receiver back into its resting place.
Not more then two minutes go by and again –BEEP-, (DAMN now I know why the secretary left, the damn phone never stops ringing.)
“What now?” I announce to the speaker phone.
“Ahem, ah, I have another student having some trouble at home with the course they are taking, can you help them out”
“Yeah send them through”
My phone begins to ring again, I grab the receiver and place it up to my ear, “County Sheriffs office, is this an emergency?”
“Ah, whoops I think I got the wrong…….” She trails off.
“hold please” I say, placing the call on hold and continuing my surfing ways.(Anyone who knows me, knows that I love to play phone pranks on people) A student waves me down in the next room needing assistance in logging into a test. I decide to actually go to his desk and log him in rather then VNC into his machine, besides I need to get up and stretch anyway. As soon as I enter the room, I realize the mistake I have made. Suddenly twenty students are staring me down like lost puppies all with questions needing to be answered. Great, looks like I will be in here for a while. Twenty minutes later and a lot of lying, bullshitting, and making false statements, I return to my desk to hear the most annoying beeping noise emitting from my phone.
"What the hell is that awful noise" I say outloud.
"You have someone on hold" the teacher across from me says.
I glance at the phone to notice that line one is still holding ever so patiently for me.
Hmmmph, that’s so sad.
I decide that they should be rewarded for waiting so long, so I pick up the phone and press line one. “Hello?”
“Oh good, someone is there, is this the school?” she politely asks.
“Yes, how can I help you?”
“Well I logged in”
“yes, yes, your already farther then my last caller” I say
“huh?”
“Never mind, continue on please” I tell her.
“and then as soon as I start the course a PRE-TEST pops up” she says with a hint of nervousness in her voice.
“Ok, and what, you can’t go any farther?” I ask not knowing what the problem is.
“Well I wasn’t sure what to do”
“What do you mean” I ask her
“Am I supposed to take the test?”
“You do understand the concept and definition of PRE, right?” (picturing some fat girl in high school with no clue to this previous terminology)
“Ya, I think so”
“Ok, a pre-test is something you take before anything else, hence the term pre. It is there to test your knowledge of the course before you start it so can skip areas you already know”
“But how am I supposed to know anything if I am just starting the course?” She sounds very confused now.
“The pre-test only tries to determine what, if anything you know thus far by giving you several questions you might see throughout the course, that’s it. After you take the pre-test the course will begin.”
“Really?” she says sounding astonished. “Wow I have been sitting here for two weeks thinking I shouldn’t take that thingy”
“Wow, well glad I could be of help.” I respond rubbing my forehead as an ever increasing headache is beginning to form inside my head.
“So, if I have anymore questions can I call you?”
“NO” –click-
-BEEP-
What the fuck, is this ever going to stop?
Wanted, good secretary to answer phones and answer simple computer questions, bad pay and stupid costumers, call for more details.
Today was answer phone day. Seems like working alone is becoming an all to familiarity.
-BEEP- “Hey, can you take a question from a student, seems he can’t log into the web site or something and needs help”
I'm in a good mood, I'll play along. “Sure” I say “send him through” Moments later my phone springs to life ringing aloud. It’s early, but not to early to have some fun I think to myself. With a quick jab from my hand I send the receiver airborne catching the cord in my hand while deliberately allowing it to bounce off of my desk like a cheap yo-yo. After about five or six bangs on the desk, I grab the receiver and hold it tight in my hand while running it across the carpet as fast as I can in a forward/backward motion creating the illusion of bad static. Bringing the receiver up to my ear.
“Dominos pizza, take out or delivery?” I say
“Ah, isn’t this the school?” a confused voice asks on the other end.
“Nope wrong floor let me connect you” With that I hang up the receiver and return to my daily obligations. (Surfing the net for free porn to download on our T2 line)
-BEEP- “That student is back on line one, says something about getting transferred to a pizza place and then disconnected” The voice from the speaker phone tells me.
“Ok send him through, and this time try not to screw it up ok! I don’t want to tell the boss you’re the reason our students are complaining.” Ever see one of those ant farms, where all the ants look so busy bouncing into each other and the walls around them, all of them in some kind of big hurry yet none of them look like they have any clue as to what is going on? Yeah well, ever since our secretary quiet 2 days ago that’s kinda what it looks like around here, so messing with anyone answering phones is a highlight of my day now.
“Well…..I thought…….I mean…..I hit the……”
“Stop bubbling like a fool and send the call through for Christ sake before the student gets upset from waiting so long on hold” I tell him. My phone begins to ring once again. And ring. And ring, on the last ring before voicemail I pick up the phone.
“Hello?”
“Yeah hi, I’m having some trouble with the web site” He begins to explain to me in his own terms what he thinks is going on. “when I log in I see a screen and then it disappears, so I closed it, but when I typed the password it said error, so I went into tools, but the audio isn’t coming up, so I opened another and then got in, but I got a Java collision error, so I rebooted, and the static from the carpet made the mouse jump, so I…….”
I interrupt at this point “Have you been drinking sir?” I ask
“No…………….” long pause of silence “why?”
“No reason, how about paint chips?" I ask"
"Ah no I don't think so" He says
"Well never mind, anyway, can you or can you not log into the website?”
“Yes!”
“Yes you can log into the site, or yes you can’t log into the site?” Now I'm getting confused dammit.
He reaffirms his first answer again “Yes!”
“Ok sir, I don’t think you are understanding me, when you double click on the blue "E" on your desktop, and then type in our website and click "GO", you are prompted with a login and password box. Right?
"Yes" he says
"ok" I say "now are you entering your user name in the username field?”
“Yes, yes I am” He assures me.
“Good, were getting somewhere, now below that box is a password box, are you entering your password into that box.”
“Yes!”
“Very good, and after typing these in and hitting the enter key….”
“The what key?” Ok, I think I have determined what the problem is at this point, he is a fucking moron. I begin walking him through each step as he is actually doing it.
“Ok, so you are now logged into the web site and can see your course and course materials, right?”
Once again he assures me with his standard response “Yes!”
“Very good, now what happens when you try to start the lesson?”
“Well that’s when I see a flash and nothing else happens”
“A flash huh…….did little people tell you to walk into the light?"
"huh?" he responds
"Never mind……. anyway, did you read the warning that popped up when you clicked on the lesson explaining that a new window is going to open, and in order for it to open you need to turn off pop up blockers on your machine.”
“Ah no……I always just click through those, I don’t have time to read them all you know” He says.
“Right but you have enough time to call me and waste the last 20 minutes figuring out what is wrong instead of just reading a 30 second message from the school that would have solved everything.”
“Yes!” He says once again. (This guy should do really well in the corporate world)
“Well, turn off your pop up blocker and everything will work just fine, not to mention you can keep fueling the ever increasing spyware fire on the internet by clicking through all those messages that pop up.” (No wonder we have so much spyware, with idiots like this, I don't know why I'm not doing it.) Dead silence, I wait for a response. Tapping fingers on desk, place phone down, walk to coffee machine, get a cup of coffee, bullshit with a few students, finish coffee, run to bathroom, walk up to 4rth floor to see how construction on new business is coming and to steel whatever tools are lying around while the construction workers are on lunch break, return to desk, pick up phone which is still silent. “Anything yet?” I ask
“Nope….not….yet……oh wait, yep its working now, thanks a bunch.”
“Great” I say placing the receiver back into its resting place.
Not more then two minutes go by and again –BEEP-, (DAMN now I know why the secretary left, the damn phone never stops ringing.)
“What now?” I announce to the speaker phone.
“Ahem, ah, I have another student having some trouble at home with the course they are taking, can you help them out”
“Yeah send them through”
My phone begins to ring again, I grab the receiver and place it up to my ear, “County Sheriffs office, is this an emergency?”
“Ah, whoops I think I got the wrong…….” She trails off.
“hold please” I say, placing the call on hold and continuing my surfing ways.(Anyone who knows me, knows that I love to play phone pranks on people) A student waves me down in the next room needing assistance in logging into a test. I decide to actually go to his desk and log him in rather then VNC into his machine, besides I need to get up and stretch anyway. As soon as I enter the room, I realize the mistake I have made. Suddenly twenty students are staring me down like lost puppies all with questions needing to be answered. Great, looks like I will be in here for a while. Twenty minutes later and a lot of lying, bullshitting, and making false statements, I return to my desk to hear the most annoying beeping noise emitting from my phone.
"What the hell is that awful noise" I say outloud.
"You have someone on hold" the teacher across from me says.
I glance at the phone to notice that line one is still holding ever so patiently for me.
Hmmmph, that’s so sad.
I decide that they should be rewarded for waiting so long, so I pick up the phone and press line one. “Hello?”
“Oh good, someone is there, is this the school?” she politely asks.
“Yes, how can I help you?”
“Well I logged in”
“yes, yes, your already farther then my last caller” I say
“huh?”
“Never mind, continue on please” I tell her.
“and then as soon as I start the course a PRE-TEST pops up” she says with a hint of nervousness in her voice.
“Ok, and what, you can’t go any farther?” I ask not knowing what the problem is.
“Well I wasn’t sure what to do”
“What do you mean” I ask her
“Am I supposed to take the test?”
“You do understand the concept and definition of PRE, right?” (picturing some fat girl in high school with no clue to this previous terminology)
“Ya, I think so”
“Ok, a pre-test is something you take before anything else, hence the term pre. It is there to test your knowledge of the course before you start it so can skip areas you already know”
“But how am I supposed to know anything if I am just starting the course?” She sounds very confused now.
“The pre-test only tries to determine what, if anything you know thus far by giving you several questions you might see throughout the course, that’s it. After you take the pre-test the course will begin.”
“Really?” she says sounding astonished. “Wow I have been sitting here for two weeks thinking I shouldn’t take that thingy”
“Wow, well glad I could be of help.” I respond rubbing my forehead as an ever increasing headache is beginning to form inside my head.
“So, if I have anymore questions can I call you?”
“NO” –click-
-BEEP-
What the fuck, is this ever going to stop?
Wanted, good secretary to answer phones and answer simple computer questions, bad pay and stupid costumers, call for more details.
posted by Mr. Cheese @ 7:45 PM
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