The Introduction of Special Ed (Sped)
Originally posted Monday, October 03, 2005
Stupid is as stupid does sir!
“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers, and never ever underestimate the lengths at which one will take his or her own stupidity to new levels in order to make the people around them more miserable.”
Mr. Cheese-Sept. 2005
12:00pm I walk into work.
"Oh thank god you’re here" the nurse explains to me in an exhaustion of breaths as if she has just run a marathon.
"Ummmm, ok, what's up?" You'd think I’d have learned by now to play dumb as if I heard nothing.
"Oh it's bad…..none of my students can work on their online material, and some are having problems printing, and he said not to touch the computers this morning and now I can't get word to open and then…."
"Ok, slow down; let’s back up to “he said"
She rests her arm on the nearby chair to catch her breath and begins to explain. "He said not to touch the computers in the lab because he was making some changes."
"And by "him" you mean the dumb ass that calls himself the lead teacher?"
"Yeah, that'd be the one" she says
"So what did he do?"
"I don't know but now everything is messed up"
"Ok, let me get situated and see what is going on"
With that she wipes the sweat from her brow and heads back to the front line taking enemy fire from angry students as she enters the lab room. My shift began at 12:00 today, and I know the Nurse is scheduled at 9:00am. So by my guess it's been down all day. I log into my computer and sort through 300 emails (I really hate a full inbox filled with stupid questions) from students, other teachers, corporate and the director. After a few clicks the entire list has been added to the spam server so I don't have to worry about my email box getting full every half hour. Since I don't see any major activity from the lab room I decide to head in and see what’s up first hand. The first thing I see is our fearless leader sitting at his desk surfing the web.
"So what's the deal with the medical lab?" I ask
"I dunno, something about they all can't access their online training" he says without diverting his eyes from his computer screen.
"Why aren't you doing anything about it?"
"Well, I checked into it, I don't know what’s going on." Still focused on the eBay item flashed across his screen.
"Really?" I give him a puzzled look raising one eye brow "You didn't make any changes to the system that would cause this?"
"No, nothing!"
"Are you sure? Because the nurse said you told her not to touch the computers because you needed to make some changes this morning."
"No nothing, I swear."
"Ok, fine, I’m going to go take a look at it." With this I head off to the medical lab to see first hand what the hell is going on. Upon entering the room I can see that several students are freaking out because they can't do anything and the nurse looks like she is about to have a nervous break down repeating over and over to herself in a low voice “find a happy place, find a happy place”.
"I don't understand it" she says looking down at one of the computers "It all worked yesterday."
Step by step I watch as she guides me through the process they use to access their material online. I then instruct her to try and login in herself with administrative rights. Shortly after I hear her say that she can log in no problem and everything works fine. I take a closer look.
"You have a different option when logging in." I say
"Yeah I always do" she says
"Well what happens if you click the other option?"
"It does the same thing as when a student logs in."
Now were getting somewhere. After two hours of checking every setting and trying to log in myself it is still not working, but I have determined that student logins are getting blocked by something. I tell the nurse not to worry I will get it working but I need some time to interrogate a certain witness. I head back out of the medical lab to confront local genius boy one more time.
"Are you sure you didn't make any changes at all to the system, no matter how minor it may have been, because it appears the students and only the students are being blocked which tells me there is a permission issue with the server" I ask him
"No, I already told you I didn't."
"Ok fine"
I walk back to my desk and call an old teacher friend of mine waking him from his mid day slumber. After several minutes of explaining the situation to him he tells me he has seen this before but can't remember what it was or how to fix it.
“So what did he do?” He asks me
“I don’t know he won’t tell me”
“Why won’t he tell you?”
“I dunno, maybe he’s trying to raise the bar for stupid people alike.”
“Hmmm…. You could be on to something there……..anyway here’s what to do in the mean time…..”
He then tells me I need to contact the head of the medical training at corporate and he will be able to tell me what is wrong. After hanging up the phone I begin to type a very detailed email to the head of the medical training team. I then walk back into the next room to tell dumb ass that I have alerted corporate to our situation, he proceeds to tell me that he has done the same but instead with a phone call. With that I head back to my desk awaiting a response.
About 20 minutes go by before I get a response from corporate. The email reads as follows.
"Just so we’re both on the same track, DON'T EVER DENY ACCESS TO THE E: DRIVE AGAIN. This is needed for the students to access in order for the online training and tests to work."
"Hmmmmm…..what an odd response" I think to myself.
-TAP-TAP-TAP "I'm sorry, I don't think I understand, I never denied access to the E: drive in the first place"
-CLICK- "Send"
Moments later my inbox sends the familiar sounds that a new message has arrived, and it is in response to the email I just sent.
"Funny, that’s not what the other teacher has just told me on the phone. Just don't let it happen again." So the bastard made changes to the system lied to me continuously when asked about any changes and then pinned it on me.
I take a deep breath and go to my phone where I dial up the fuck head in the next room over the intercom, what happens next can best be explained with an old movie quote.
Remember that part in the movie "Rambo II" where Rambo picks up the two way radio at the end and calls back to head quarters to his commanding officer, yeah I think it went something like this.
Rambo: "Murdock... "
Trautman: "He's here."
Murdock: "Rambo, this is Murdock, we're glad you're alive. Where are ya? Give us your position and we'll come to pick you up!"
Rambo: "Murdock... I'm coming to get YOU!"Rambo:
After screaming at his ignorance for the next five minutes I walk back into the medical lab dragging him by his ear to rub his nose into the first keyboard I can find like a bad puppy that just pissed on the floor.
"So you new all along what the hell the problem was and watched me for the last two hours scramble to fix it while you sat at your desk and did nothing. Then you had the balls to blame the whole situation on me?"
"Well I didn't think denying them access to the E: drive would be such a big deal"
"Why the fuck did you deny it in the first place, everything was working fine"
"I just didn't want them to have access anymore."
"Did it ever cross your fucking little brain that there is a reason the students have had access to this drive for the past ten years?"
"Well I fixed it now, so you can just calm down." He says with a smirk as if he had just saved the day.
I stand there for a minute still awe struck at the entire exchange that just happened not believing the stupidity I just witnessed and debating if I should go get my blood pressure checked by the doctor cowering in the corner after watching me berate the other teacher in front of the entire class.
Back at my desk I slowly begin to calm down and try to focus back on other matters.
Yeah, this lasts about 10 minutes before…….
“Ok now the program you made isn’t working’ the nurse says standing over my desk.
“It’s a script……..” haven’t I gone over this already? Anyway….
Immediately I head into the next room and grab shit head by the collar.
“Ok fuck nuts, what else did you change that now my script isn’t working?”
“Nothing……..”He says struggling to keep his composure “all I did was reboot each machine”
I walk back into the medical lab to survey the new problem. After several minutes of fighting with the systems to get them back to normal I reboot a machine. Once again my script is not working. I then log in as administrator to find out the local profile has been deleted and there is now a public profile being used on the server which is missing a very key component to the success of my script.
“Hey ass breath, what’s with the public profile?”
“Oh yeah I did change that too.”
After berating him for several minutes he makes the necessary changes to the profile for my script to work. Once again I walk back to my desk and try to begin a normal day’s work. This lasts for about another ten minutes before……..
“Now none of the students can open a word document from the web, and when they print it is locking up the computers.”
“HOLY GOD FUCK, what the hell is going on back there?”
This is starting to get really old and I am about two steps from taking the lead shit fuck to the ninth floor and making him a permanent addition to the asphalt in the parking lot. I ask him once again if he knows what the hell might be going on.
“Nope, I swear this time I haven’t changed anything else.” He assures me
“Ok, fine” and I head into the medical lab one more time. (If your asking yourself why I’m the only one fixing these issues, don’t worry I am still asking myself that too)
This time I see that the reason the computers are locking up is because there is no access to allow word documents to be downloaded from the web. Good thing to, with all those damn text viruses out there one can’t be too safe. I reset all web settings to default and then head back to the server to clear the printer queue. Things are back up and running for now and everyone is happy. I walk back into the room with monkey dung and explain what I had to do to fix the situation.
“Oh yeah, I beefed up security on the web and changed all default program settings” he says
“Oh, how interesting, so when I asked you AGAIN, if you made any changes to the system that would cause the problem in the medical lab, you said you didn’t.”
“Yep”
“But you did” I say with assertion
“Ah…..no, I didn’t” he says once again
“Ok whatever, Sped”
And thus, stupid is as stupid does sir
I think Clark Griswold said it best when he said……..
And I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol? Listen While you read along!
Stupid is as stupid does sir!
“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers, and never ever underestimate the lengths at which one will take his or her own stupidity to new levels in order to make the people around them more miserable.”
Mr. Cheese-Sept. 2005
12:00pm I walk into work.
"Oh thank god you’re here" the nurse explains to me in an exhaustion of breaths as if she has just run a marathon.
"Ummmm, ok, what's up?" You'd think I’d have learned by now to play dumb as if I heard nothing.
"Oh it's bad…..none of my students can work on their online material, and some are having problems printing, and he said not to touch the computers this morning and now I can't get word to open and then…."
"Ok, slow down; let’s back up to “he said"
She rests her arm on the nearby chair to catch her breath and begins to explain. "He said not to touch the computers in the lab because he was making some changes."
"And by "him" you mean the dumb ass that calls himself the lead teacher?"
"Yeah, that'd be the one" she says
"So what did he do?"
"I don't know but now everything is messed up"
"Ok, let me get situated and see what is going on"
With that she wipes the sweat from her brow and heads back to the front line taking enemy fire from angry students as she enters the lab room. My shift began at 12:00 today, and I know the Nurse is scheduled at 9:00am. So by my guess it's been down all day. I log into my computer and sort through 300 emails (I really hate a full inbox filled with stupid questions) from students, other teachers, corporate and the director. After a few clicks the entire list has been added to the spam server so I don't have to worry about my email box getting full every half hour. Since I don't see any major activity from the lab room I decide to head in and see what’s up first hand. The first thing I see is our fearless leader sitting at his desk surfing the web.
"So what's the deal with the medical lab?" I ask
"I dunno, something about they all can't access their online training" he says without diverting his eyes from his computer screen.
"Why aren't you doing anything about it?"
"Well, I checked into it, I don't know what’s going on." Still focused on the eBay item flashed across his screen.
"Really?" I give him a puzzled look raising one eye brow "You didn't make any changes to the system that would cause this?"
"No, nothing!"
"Are you sure? Because the nurse said you told her not to touch the computers because you needed to make some changes this morning."
"No nothing, I swear."
"Ok, fine, I’m going to go take a look at it." With this I head off to the medical lab to see first hand what the hell is going on. Upon entering the room I can see that several students are freaking out because they can't do anything and the nurse looks like she is about to have a nervous break down repeating over and over to herself in a low voice “find a happy place, find a happy place”.
"I don't understand it" she says looking down at one of the computers "It all worked yesterday."
Step by step I watch as she guides me through the process they use to access their material online. I then instruct her to try and login in herself with administrative rights. Shortly after I hear her say that she can log in no problem and everything works fine. I take a closer look.
"You have a different option when logging in." I say
"Yeah I always do" she says
"Well what happens if you click the other option?"
"It does the same thing as when a student logs in."
Now were getting somewhere. After two hours of checking every setting and trying to log in myself it is still not working, but I have determined that student logins are getting blocked by something. I tell the nurse not to worry I will get it working but I need some time to interrogate a certain witness. I head back out of the medical lab to confront local genius boy one more time.
"Are you sure you didn't make any changes at all to the system, no matter how minor it may have been, because it appears the students and only the students are being blocked which tells me there is a permission issue with the server" I ask him
"No, I already told you I didn't."
"Ok fine"
I walk back to my desk and call an old teacher friend of mine waking him from his mid day slumber. After several minutes of explaining the situation to him he tells me he has seen this before but can't remember what it was or how to fix it.
“So what did he do?” He asks me
“I don’t know he won’t tell me”
“Why won’t he tell you?”
“I dunno, maybe he’s trying to raise the bar for stupid people alike.”
“Hmmm…. You could be on to something there……..anyway here’s what to do in the mean time…..”
He then tells me I need to contact the head of the medical training at corporate and he will be able to tell me what is wrong. After hanging up the phone I begin to type a very detailed email to the head of the medical training team. I then walk back into the next room to tell dumb ass that I have alerted corporate to our situation, he proceeds to tell me that he has done the same but instead with a phone call. With that I head back to my desk awaiting a response.
About 20 minutes go by before I get a response from corporate. The email reads as follows.
"Just so we’re both on the same track, DON'T EVER DENY ACCESS TO THE E: DRIVE AGAIN. This is needed for the students to access in order for the online training and tests to work."
"Hmmmmm…..what an odd response" I think to myself.
-TAP-TAP-TAP "I'm sorry, I don't think I understand, I never denied access to the E: drive in the first place"
-CLICK- "Send"
Moments later my inbox sends the familiar sounds that a new message has arrived, and it is in response to the email I just sent.
"Funny, that’s not what the other teacher has just told me on the phone. Just don't let it happen again." So the bastard made changes to the system lied to me continuously when asked about any changes and then pinned it on me.
I take a deep breath and go to my phone where I dial up the fuck head in the next room over the intercom, what happens next can best be explained with an old movie quote.
Remember that part in the movie "Rambo II" where Rambo picks up the two way radio at the end and calls back to head quarters to his commanding officer, yeah I think it went something like this.
Rambo: "Murdock... "
Trautman: "He's here."
Murdock: "Rambo, this is Murdock, we're glad you're alive. Where are ya? Give us your position and we'll come to pick you up!"
Rambo: "Murdock... I'm coming to get YOU!"Rambo:
After screaming at his ignorance for the next five minutes I walk back into the medical lab dragging him by his ear to rub his nose into the first keyboard I can find like a bad puppy that just pissed on the floor.
"So you new all along what the hell the problem was and watched me for the last two hours scramble to fix it while you sat at your desk and did nothing. Then you had the balls to blame the whole situation on me?"
"Well I didn't think denying them access to the E: drive would be such a big deal"
"Why the fuck did you deny it in the first place, everything was working fine"
"I just didn't want them to have access anymore."
"Did it ever cross your fucking little brain that there is a reason the students have had access to this drive for the past ten years?"
"Well I fixed it now, so you can just calm down." He says with a smirk as if he had just saved the day.
I stand there for a minute still awe struck at the entire exchange that just happened not believing the stupidity I just witnessed and debating if I should go get my blood pressure checked by the doctor cowering in the corner after watching me berate the other teacher in front of the entire class.
Back at my desk I slowly begin to calm down and try to focus back on other matters.
Yeah, this lasts about 10 minutes before…….
“Ok now the program you made isn’t working’ the nurse says standing over my desk.
“It’s a script……..” haven’t I gone over this already? Anyway….
Immediately I head into the next room and grab shit head by the collar.
“Ok fuck nuts, what else did you change that now my script isn’t working?”
“Nothing……..”He says struggling to keep his composure “all I did was reboot each machine”
I walk back into the medical lab to survey the new problem. After several minutes of fighting with the systems to get them back to normal I reboot a machine. Once again my script is not working. I then log in as administrator to find out the local profile has been deleted and there is now a public profile being used on the server which is missing a very key component to the success of my script.
“Hey ass breath, what’s with the public profile?”
“Oh yeah I did change that too.”
After berating him for several minutes he makes the necessary changes to the profile for my script to work. Once again I walk back to my desk and try to begin a normal day’s work. This lasts for about another ten minutes before……..
“Now none of the students can open a word document from the web, and when they print it is locking up the computers.”
“HOLY GOD FUCK, what the hell is going on back there?”
This is starting to get really old and I am about two steps from taking the lead shit fuck to the ninth floor and making him a permanent addition to the asphalt in the parking lot. I ask him once again if he knows what the hell might be going on.
“Nope, I swear this time I haven’t changed anything else.” He assures me
“Ok, fine” and I head into the medical lab one more time. (If your asking yourself why I’m the only one fixing these issues, don’t worry I am still asking myself that too)
This time I see that the reason the computers are locking up is because there is no access to allow word documents to be downloaded from the web. Good thing to, with all those damn text viruses out there one can’t be too safe. I reset all web settings to default and then head back to the server to clear the printer queue. Things are back up and running for now and everyone is happy. I walk back into the room with monkey dung and explain what I had to do to fix the situation.
“Oh yeah, I beefed up security on the web and changed all default program settings” he says
“Oh, how interesting, so when I asked you AGAIN, if you made any changes to the system that would cause the problem in the medical lab, you said you didn’t.”
“Yep”
“But you did” I say with assertion
“Ah…..no, I didn’t” he says once again
“Ok whatever, Sped”
And thus, stupid is as stupid does sir
I think Clark Griswold said it best when he said……..
And I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol? Listen While you read along!
posted by Mr. Cheese @ 12:53 AM
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