A Christmas Carol, Story Thing

Disclaimer:
This story is based on actual and true fictional events and in no way is affiliated with “A Christmas Carol” or any other legally bound and copyrighted movie, book, or play, so please don’t sue me, as I don’t have any money anyway. Thank you

Chapter 1: Sped is dead

Sped was dead, to begin with. There is no doubt what so ever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Mr. Cheese signed it. And Mr. Cheese’s name was good upon ‘Change for anything he chose to put his hand to’. Old Sped was as dead as a doornail.

The mention of Sped’s funeral brings me back to the point I started from. There is no doubt that Sped was dead. This must be understood, or nothing wonderful can come of the story I am going to relate. Mr. Cheese never discarded Sped’s name plate. There it stood atop his desk. “Mr. Sped” as it has always been. They were at each others throats for years, and now, Sped was dead.
Mr. Cheese was a bitter man, hateful at times, an all around computer administration Asshole. His bitter heart within had wrinkled his face, humped his back and forever burrowed his eye brows into a low evil frown.
The thick cloud of an aurora surrounding him as he strode down the halls, his long black coat trailing behind him, gave him a sinister look that no man dared to disturb. Plants would wither as he walked past them, people would cower, and small animals would wince in pain as he stared deep into their eyes. No one ever asked, “Mr. Cheese, how are you today?” or “Say old chap, what time is it?” they new the withered old man would not respond but rather berate them on the spot.
But what did Mr. Cheese care? It was the very life he lived and loved. To scowl his way through town past the busy lives of everyone else. This is why most people who knew him called him “insane”. So begins our story.

Once upon a time……….
It was Saturday, Christmas Eve, and Mr. Cheese sat in his chair at his desk inside the old center. It was bitter cold outside, and the glass on the windows had all frosted up. Down below, Mr. Cheese could here the people getting into their cars to rush home for the holiday season.

“A merry Christmas to you Mr. Cheese!” yelled a cheerful voice from across the room. It was one of Mr. Cheese’s students.

Startled from not seeing the student enter he swung his chair around from the window to see who it was “Blah!” said Mr. Cheese “Heisenbug!” (Not to be confused with Bah Humbug mind you……..long story a lot of legal issues…….anyway.)

The student had bustled his way across the parking lot and into the building to take a final exam this merry day. His cheeks still rosy from the cold outside, his face a glow from the holiday cheer, his eyes twinkling in the light like stars on freshly fallen snow…….or maybe it was just the paint fumes from the office being repainted that morning. Either way Mr. Cheese was to have nothing to do with any of it.

“Heisenbug? why surely you don’t feel that way on such a beautiful and joyous day.” Said the student

“I do” said Mr. Cheese “What right do you have to be merry? Your test scores are low, your study habits are in the toilet, and worst of all…..you’re ugly!”

“Come on now” piped the student “What possible reason do you have for being so crabby?”

“It’s Saturday, Christmas Eve and I’m stuck here with you, that’s reason enough I should say.” Replied Mr. Cheese

“Is that so?”
Not wanting to continue the conversation any longer Mr. Cheese simply replied with “Blah!” shortly followed by “Heisenbug!”

“But Mr. Cheese”

“Blah I say, you celebrate your beloved Christmas in your own way, and let me be with mine.”

“I feel sorry for you Mr. Cheese, never having the love that everyone else shares during this festive season.”

“Another peep out of you and I’ll fail your entire course.”

“Fine, have it your way, I’ll do better studying at home surrounded by my loved ones anyway.”

“Blah” replied Mr. Cheese

As the student left the center two more took his place.

“Ah, Mr. Cheese and Mr. Sped.”

“Sped is dead!” said Mr. Cheese “died one year ago this very night!”

“Oh,…..I see” said the new visitor “I guess I didn’t notice.”

“Yeah no one really noticed him while he was alive either.”

“Well, the reason I came in was to ask for an extension on my current training.” The student asked with hesitation in fear of what the response might be.

Mr. Cheese furrowed his brow at the word “Extension”.
“You people are always looking for handouts, looking for the easy route out. ‘I can’t finish my studies in time, extend my training’, is the school in the local mall all filled up?”

“Why no, it is not.”

“And are all the trade schools closed?”

“No sir, they to are not.”

“Well might I suggest you take up a course at one of those less then fine academic academies where they might better suit your ‘extension’ needs, otherwise be gone with you, you’ll get no extension from me.”

“But my wife was ill, and……”

“Then you should have filled out the proper forms to put your studies on hold.”
The man said not a word, only stared down at Mr. Cheese who never once even so much as raised his head to look back at him. “Now if you don’t mind, I ‘m rather busy and wish to be left alone.” Mr. Cheese went back to his feverish typing on his keyboard.

–TAP-TAP-TAP-

Seeing that any rebuttal would only amount to the student being humiliated even more, he decided, to just leave the center. With his head hung low, he turned and walked away.

The center was slow for the rest of the day. Outside the night was closing in, and a low, dense fog was slowly moving across the roads. The moon cast shadows onto the parking lot below, almost seeming to dance between the clouds as they pass by overhead.

At last the hour was upon to shut down the center.

“Closing time, everyone leave.” Mr. Cheese announced. As he glanced around the center he noticed one of the more loyal students. “And I suppose you’ll want the center to be open tomorrow as well?” He asked the student sitting in his usual spot over in the corner who he called Crotchrot (Not to be confused with Cratchit mind you, long story, a lot of legal issues………anyway). He came in every day to study, passed every exam, never asked any questions, and kept quietly to himself; for all intents and purposes he was a model student.

“It would be nice.” The lone student said.

“It would NOT be nice” said Mr. Cheese “and it’s not happening either.”

“But it’s just once a year!”

“That’s a crappy excuse for making me come in here every December 25th just to better your damn education.” Mr. Cheese said zipping up his coat and placing his cap upon his badly comb over balding head. “Well if it must be, then stay all the later next week to make up the hours.”

The student nodded in acknowledgment. Mr. Cheese stood passively by waiting for the student to gather his belongings. One by one he began to gather his things and place them in an old tattered leather bag. He pulled out some gloves that had looked as if the dog had used them for a chew toy for some years; he placed no hat upon his head this cold day, only a hood attached to a thin sweatshirt he was wearing. Mr. Cheese paid no attention to any of this, it was his belief that it was always the poor mans own fault for being poor and no one else’s……well that and the whole lack of money thing.

Outside, it was beginning to snow. Mr. Cheese stepped out of the door to the center and looked up at the newly fallen snow now speckling down on his face all the while mumbling something under his breath about ‘why’s it gotta be a white thing’ before shuffling off to his car for what would be a long drive through the snow.

Mr. Cheese arrived at his mansion hours later. A rusty old mobile home built some time in the early 60’s, wrapped from end to end in plastic in a useless attempt to contain any heat that might still be radiating from inside. The yard littered with old tires and debris that people have thrown in his yard for the last century using it as a dumping grounds for anything and everything. The moon that danced between the clouds earlier in the night was now completely blanketed by thick smog from the neighboring factories making his obstacle ridden yard almost impenetrable without light. Slowly Mr. Cheese groped his way along the mobile home, with each slip of his shoe he braced himself against the old steal beast which at one time was called a home. The trailer would moan like an old bear as Mr. Cheese’s body weight would slam into the side of it. Eventually he made it to the stairs where in, one by one he climbed until at the top. The air seemed cold and thick atop the stairs almost as if you could reach out and grab it with your bare hands. Out of breath and slouched over, Mr. Cheese reached for the screen door handle when out of the darkness came a ghostly dark figure casting a faint light. It was not dark like the shadows that were cast along the ground, but more of a freakishly grayish white emitting from all around the handle itself. He withdrew his fingers as if touching a hot pot, clutching them in his other hand. His draw dropped his eyes wide, not a single huff of breath came from his gaping mouth.

After several moments of staring at the ghostly figure emitting from his screen door handle he regained composure and clenched his eyes shut.

“There’s nothing there, NOTHING……go away I say……” He shouted into the night. After several seconds he opened his eyes, the figure was no more. Just as quickly as it had appeared, it had vanished without a trace. The air returning to its thin stale self told him it was nothing more then his tired eyes playing tricks on him.

“Blah!” followed shortly after by “Heisenbug!” came from his lips. It was his way of reassuring himself that what he saw was just his imagination.

He grabbed the door handle and entered his home, turning only slightly to take another glance out onto the porch almost half expecting to see something there. But instead all he saw were his fresh footprints in the snow of his staggering trip from the car to the front door. With that he slammed the door, turned on the first light he could find and proceeded to lock the 14 dead bolts that lay vertically along his door. Mr. Cheese was not a man easily scared by flashy lights and ghostly figures……internet connections going down, servers with viruses….well that’s a whole different story.

He proceeded to take of his over coat and shoes when a noise came from down the hall. As he turned to look, he thought for only a moment that he saw what looked like the hearse from the movie “Ghost Busters”. He waved it off without a second thought and continued throughout the house checking to make sure everything was in order. Standing in the kitchen he had a perfect advantage point of seeing the entire mobile home which measured a mere 10 feet wide by 50 feet long. He looked left……yep the far bedroom (10 feet away) was all in order, he looked to his right…….yep the bathroom was fine as well. With everything looking to be just as it should be he proceeded to his bedroom to change into his Sponge Bob Square Pants pajama’s, and retire to his computer for some late night pr0n surfing. The wind outside whirled and whistled through every crack of the mobile home, sending a shiver down Mr. Cheese’s spine. He grabbed his rob and sat at his desk. The computer was not even turned on, and yet the sounds of a failing hard drive could be heard through out the room.

He tilted his head from side to side trying to find where the noise was coming from, but before he could discover its origin, it was gone.

“Heisenbug!” said Mr. Cheese and continued on at powering up his PC. With a push of a button, the computer came to life buzzing and chirping as it booted up. The screen came to life with a brilliant light. Mr. Cheese strained and shielded his eyes against the bright light squinting only through his fingers to see what was happening on the screen. Before him on the display appeared the same ghostly figure in which he saw on his doorstep only moments ago. He slammed his eyelids shut once again, but this time the light seemed to pierce right through his feeble attempt to block it out and penetrate to the back of his skull.

“Cheese……..cheese…….CHEEEESSSSEEEE……” The figure shouted out

“Wha…….wah…….do I know you?” Mr. Cheese asked the figure now appearing on his screen.

“Is…….is…..that you……Mr. Sped?” His voice quivered.

“Ah no, actually he couldn’t make it, said something about changing all the servers or some dumb shit like that down in Hell.”

“Hell?.....but I thought the center was hell.”

“Close, but no.”

“Well good luck with all that, I feel your pain.”

“Yeah, he’s already fucked up a ton of shit.”

“Can you…….can you…..take over my computer?”

“I can!” replied the figure

“Then do it!”

“You don’t believe me?”

“Not really.”

“Why would you need more proof then what you are seeing right before your eyes now as I speak to you?”

“I dunno……just because I guess.”

“Why do you doubt your own senses?”

“Because” stammered Mr. Cheese “ever have those really bad stomach cramps that you feel like you’re dieing, but instead you just had to fart really bad?”

“Oh yes…yes, yes, damn I hate those.” The ghost stayed his ground, his eyes never leaving that of Mr. Cheese.

“This is why I doubt!” said Mr. Cheese “See that power button on the computer?”
“I do” said the figure

“Well all I have to do is push it in for 5 seconds, give or take a second or two of course….”

“Of course”

“And your gone……”

With that the figure let out a huge roar, playing the scratched CD’s which hung from him like chains, with terrible songs. The sound was deafening, Mr. Cheese cupped his hands over his ears and shivered in fear from the noise now surrounding him as if in 5.1 stereo surround sound. Not those cheap speakers either that you get from the bargain bin at the local electronics store, but the big ones that the kid down the street with no balls plays every night at 3 am to crappy rap music.

Mr. Cheese dropped to the ground “Please…..please, I beg of you make it stop, why do you torture me with the sounds of Tiny Tim played at 78 speed?”

“Because you doubt me!” the figure said

“Yeah, ya got me there bud, but why do ghosts haunt me through my computer…..tell me oh please.”

“Hey, it’s the 21st century, high speed internet, we can get around a lot faster traveling the super highway then we ever could just floating around.” Replied the figure

“True, true, but still why do you bother me?”

“Dunno, bored I guess, oh that and the fact that your on a fast track to dooming your soul in this life. If you keep this up, you’ll be forced to spend eternity wandering the earth moaning and groaning to scare people into changing their own lives for the better.” Again the figure lifted his scratched CD’s and began to play horrible music this time from Yani. The figure then floated out of his computer screen and stood next to Mr. Cheese.

“You are angry with me” pleaded Mr. Cheese “tell me why oh ghostly figure?”

“The CD’s I wear around my body were forged throughout my life as an evil administrator.” Replied the ghost “I made it, CD, by CD, threaded with CAT5 cabling foot by foot.”

Mr. Cheese trembled in fear at this site.

“You know not the threaded scratched CD’s of country music you bear on your own soul right now.”

Mr. Cheese looked around at the floor around him trying to see any CD’s hanging from himself. “Dude……I don’t see any CD’s”

“Well…..no not now you dumbass, their in your soul.”

“Well hello, how the fuck was I supposed to know Mr. Ghost man?”

“Well…..whatever, you got them, you just can’t see them right now….ok!”

“Is this supposed to give me comfort?”

“I bring you no comfort, I only come to you now to show you that the life you are leading as an asshole computer guy will some day lead to the same demise that in which I am in.”

“Hmmmm…..doesn’t seem all that bad, you get to surf the net and stuff right?”
“NO……and all our systems are running on Windows ME.”

“NOOOO!!!! Oh say it isn’t so spirit, say it isn’t true. Tell me oh great one….tell me what to do so I can avoid this tragedy onto mankind.”

“Listen to me” hollered the ghost “and listen good, as my time is almost up.”
“Your time is almost up? But you’re a spirit!”

“Yeah, but TNT has ‘A Christmas Story’ on in an hour, and I don’t want to miss it. It’s kind of a tradition among us ghouls.”

“Ummmm…..you do know that it will be on again, and again, and……..”

“Enough” the spirit demanded “How I sit beside you today in this form I do not know. Many a nights I have sat beside you in this house without form…... without shape.”

“Many?”

“MANY”

“So you saw the….”

“Yes I did, now let’s never speak of that again. Now let us continue, you will be haunted” resumed the ghost “by three spirits tonight.”

“Just three?”

“Yeah I think so………I’ll have to check the schedule and get back to you.”

“Is this my chance to change my life and not listen to John Tesh through out eternity?”

“It is!” replied the spirit

“Then I think I’ll pass, Myth Busters marathon is on Discovery tonight.”

“Without the help of the spirits, you will travel the same path in the after life as I one hundred times greater.” The ghost demanded “Expect the first one to arrive tonight when the digital clock flashes 1:00am”

“Can’t they just all come at once so I can get it over with?” Mr. Cheese suggested

“Like an orgy? Dude that’s pretty sick.”

“No, I didn’t mean……..well maybe…..oh never mind.”

“Expect the second to arrive some time tomorrow.”

“Well what time tomorrow?”

“I dunno, he said something about dropping Casper off at day care or something.”
Replied the ghost “And expect the last one to arrive at the stroke….”

“HA, HA you said stroke.”

“SILENCE, YOU FOOL!!!!” the ghost was not amused “Expect the last one at midnight the third night.”

The spirit then turned dragging his horrible CD’s behind him and entered the computer screen once more. As he faded away like an old screensaver he turned once more to look at Mr. Cheese “Do not forget what I have told you tonight Mr. Cheese…….do not forget.” His voice could be heard trailing off into the distance as he faded into the darkness.

Mr. Cheese walked over to the computer and peered behind it looking for any signs of the ghost almost as if to still doubt what he had just witnessed. He could hear the whine of the fan as it cooled off the inner components. He leaned in closer with his ear…..closer….closer…… “BOO!!!!!!!!!” the ghostly figure popped its ugly head out of the rear vent of the computer case sending Mr. Cheese flying backwards against the wall, his robe up over his head now.

“Holy shit man that’s not funny.” Mr. Cheese said in a shaken voice
“Like hell it wasn’t, you should have seen your face man……..priceless. Just wanted to remind you to not forget…….” With that the ghost once again faded away into the computer. Mr. Cheese wasted no time springing to his feet and yanking the power cord from the back of the computer. He then disconnected all network cables not only coming into the computer, but also into the house.

“Super Highway that you bastard, I hope you get DDoS’ed by some script kiddies on your way back……..nOOb!!”

With the confidence that he could relax, Mr. Cheese headed down the hall and into his room to turn in for the night. One last time he looked behind him to make sure there was nothing there before closing his door and ducking under the covers.

Chapter 2

The first of three computer administrative spirits

Mr. Cheese’s weak bladder had awakened him in the middle of the night as it had done so many nights before. He sat up in his bed and stretched his arms above his head, arching his back his old withered bones creaked and snapped like old twigs in the forest. With his wrinkled hands he rubbed his tired eyes and looked over at the clock on the nightstand which read 2:08am.
“How could this be?” Mr. Cheese said to himself “The spirit said I would be visited by the first of three ghosts’ at 1:00am.” Mr. Cheese began to wonder if the whole night had been nothing more then a bad nightmare.
He stumbled out of bed and down the hall to the bathroom, along the way passing the frost covered windows that lead to the cold outside. He paused for just a moment at the living room window scraping the frost with his yellow tinted fingernails. A horrible screeching noise pursued as the frost flaked off the window from his feverish scratching. With his head up against the glass he peered out into the winter bliss, his breath fogging the glass, he but saw nothing but the blowing snow wispily across his small yard. Even the thick smog from the factories had fallen silent.
After finishing his business he lay back in his bed staring at the clock. No matter how hard he tried to pass off the nights earlier encounter he could not shake the vivid image of the ghostly figure which stood before him just hours ago. The clock beside his bed now showed 2:30 as his eyes drew heavy. Slowly he began to drift back to sleep when suddenly a flash of brilliant light flashed before him at the foot of his bed. The entire room was basked in a warm glow. Mr. Cheese lay in his bed awe struck as the figure began to appear before him.
Before him now stood a very large man built from head to toe. Around his body hung an elegant white robe which seemed to trail far behind his feet. His face was broad, his cheeks full, and his eyes dark and full. He had a large well trimmed go-tee which hung from his chin like a soft fur coat. Around his head was a woven mesh of wires and circuits which blinked beautiful red, green, and blue LED’s.

“Are you the first of three spirits sent to visit me?” asked Mr. Cheese

“I am!” replied the spirit in a very low but soothing voice, much like James Earl Jones when he played the voice of Darth Vader.

“Well then, you’re late.”

“Yeah well seems as if someone disconnected their internet connection so I was re-routed to the Seattle head end, and then had to take 27 hops just to get anywhere near here.”

“Oh yeah, sorry….forgot about that, so who are you anyway?”

“I am the ghost of computer administration Christmas past.” The spirit announced.

Mr. Cheese got up out of bed and walked over beside the spirit, which towered over him several feet making him look like a midget. Mr. Cheese stood on his toes, tilted his head as high as he could and cupped his hand to his mouth as to whisper.

“Evil administrators past?” inquired Mr. Cheese

The ghost bent down to Mr. Cheese and looked directly into his eyes. “No, your past!” replied the ghost

With that the spirit extended his hand to Mr. Cheese. “Take my hand and surf the web with me.”

“But won’t we need a firewall?”

The spirit laughed and as his hand touched that of Mr. Cheese’s they were sent through the pipelines of the internet. Before Mr. Cheese could protest they found themselves standing outside in the cold of a small suburban neighborhood.

“Do you recognize the surroundings?” asked the spirit

“Recognize it; I know it like the back of my hand. This is where I grew up!” explained Mr. Cheese.

They walked down the road, Mr. Cheese recognizing every little detail as if he were there only yesterday. “And there’s Billy and Joey, look that’s the snow fort we made when I was twelve.”

“These are nothing more then your memories of past, cast before you now as if a grand painting on a magnanimous canvas before you.” The ghost explained “They cannot see nor hear us.”

Mr. Cheese’s face was filled with delight as they continued to pass more children playing, carolers singing, and memories that were once of a happy time. But why? What could bring a bitter old computer administration asshole to smile such as he was now?
They came upon an old house at the end of the street, as they approached the door it opened in front of them to let them in. As they entered they could see a small boy sitting by himself in the corner, tinkering with electronics and tearing apart the family BETA VCR. Mr. Cheese knelt down beside the boy and began to cry like a little girl as he stared at the image of his former self. The spirit came to his side resting his hand upon his shoulder. Mr. Cheese turned and looked across the room admiring the pictures above the fire place, pointing out each person by name, reminiscing old stories of good and bad, laughing at some and crying at others. If only the people he knew now could see him like this. His voice ringing out in confidence, his wrinkled face now smooth, his frown now turned into a smile. Surely they would not recognize the man they see before them.

He turned once again to look at the boy “I wish I could tell him how it is, how it will be, I wish I could show him, but it is too late.”

The ghost smiled and took his hand, “Lets move on to another Christmas shall we.”

As he said this the room began to change, it turned darker, and the little boy that sat in the corner in front of him now grew to a young adult standing at the window his hands crossed behind him. From outside footsteps could be heard coming up the stairs. The door busted open and a gleaming man came rushing through the door.

“My brother, I have come to bring you home!” the figure in the doorway shouted.

“Home, but why?”

“Well, I was downloading music on one of those……”

“Let me guess, file sharing programs, and you have spyware now?”

“Yeah………”

“Always getting into mischief your brother.” The spirit said “But a good heart he had.”

“Yes indeed” said Mr. Cheese “That he did have.”

They watched out the window as the two men got into the cab.

“He died with a child?”

“He was promiscuous” said Mr. Cheese “He died with many, many children.”

“Ah, nephews and nieces?”

Mr. Cheese seemed a little disturbed at the thought of just how many children his brother had and answered “Yes!”

With a blink of an eye they were yet again set in a new place, this time a busy street in a large city. Cars bustled about the streets, while people walked along the sidewalks. The spirit and Mr. Cheese stopped just outside of town in front of an old electronics store.

“Recognize it?” The spirit asked

“Recognize it, hell this is where I was trained as a young computer and electronics apprentice, it is what got me interested in computers in the first place.”

“You see how wrong it is now to try and peruse a career in computers don’t you?”

“Yeah, damn outsourcing!”

They went inside “Look there, it’s Mr. Jenkins, is he still alive?” inquired Mr. Cheese “I still remember the day he decided to take apart a power supply without first discharging it’s capacitors, we tried to warn him.” They continued to watch as Mr. Jenkins called out for Mr. Cheese. The two of them like a well oiled machine went about fixing and repairing any electronics that came though the door.

“You looked happy then.” Said the spirit

“You can’t even imagine, I had not a care in the world, I had great dreams.” Smiled Mr. Cheese

“Time is running short” the spirit observed looking down at his palm pilot “we must move quickly.

Once again they were brought before a new place, and once again Mr. Cheese was confronted with his former self, this time much older and in his prime. He sat at his desk playing countless hours of Ever Craft. Beside him sat a most beautiful woman. Her eyes filled with tears glistening in the dark against the glow of the computer screen.

“You pay little or no attention to me anymore. Your only ambition is a machine you call a computer. I have stood by and watch your aspirations fall to the side while you learn everything you can about this new technology.” The young lady said

“And even as I sit here now learning this and becoming the great computer geek that I might become, I have not diverted my attention away from you.”

“Have you?” she asked “You have changed, and the promises we once made to each other at a young age seem nothing more then a fairytale in an old book.”

“We were young, and foolish!”

“Are we still foolish.” She asked “Where is the love I so deserve, where is the man I married? It’s as if you don’t want me anymore.”

“Have I ever asked you to leave?”

“No, not in words you have not.”

“In what then?”

“In the way you have changed, in the atmosphere that surrounds you now, in your attitude towards me and everyone around you.”

His head now lowered “Your wrong!”
“Then correct me as I stand before you today!” she stammered
He said nothing, only listened as the sounds of her heading out the door and out of his life echoed throughout the house.

“Oh spirit…….show me no more” Mr. Cheese cried out as he held his face in his hands and wept “take me home…….I beg of you.”

“But there must be one more tonight.” The ghost explained

“No please……” but before he could continue they were once again brought in front of yet another memory from the past. This time it was of a small house filled with a happy family all gathered around exchanging stories with one another.

“Do you know what I saw on the way home today.” Asked one of the people sitting in the corner “I saw Mr. Cheese sitting there in his office all alone on Christmas Eve, as usual, typing away at his computer.”

“What could he have been possible been typing on Christmas Eve?” asked a young man sitting across the way

“Who knows, probably just another program no one will appreciate him for.” They all laughed together at this thought.

“Spirit take me away from this horrible place.” Mr. Cheese begged

“I show you only the past, it is your past, you made it, and I can’t change it, so deal with it.”

“Take me back, I don’t want to see the past anymore, please…..” he grabbed the spirits rob and held it to his face as he began to weep softly into it. “Please I beg of you, take me home……” He whipped the tears from his swelling eyes and looked up to see the spirit, but instead saw nothing but the ceiling of his house. In his hands now lay his bed sheet covered with his tears. He looked around the room, the warm glow from the spirit now gone. He was exhausted and without hesitation fell back upon his pillow and cried himself to sleep.

Chapter 3

Spirit Two of Three

Mr. Cheese laid sound asleep in his bed until the horrible beeping sound from his alarm clock awakened him. Unconsciously he reached over with his left hand blindly in the dark trying to find the off switch with his head still buried beneath the sheets. He mumbled into his pillow as his hands glanced over each button until arriving at the one that would silence the screaming beast.

He rolled over in his bed and stared up at the ceiling. His hands formed into little fists as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. His mouth gaping open as he let out a long and exhausted yawn, and just as suddenly as if to be stung by a bee, Mr. Cheese sat straight up in his bed and looked around the room remembering that the second of three spirits was supposed to visit him at 3:00AM.

He looked to the windows but saw nothing, he glanced inside his open closet and again saw nothing. As he turned his head towards his closed bedroom door he could see an ominous glow emitting from the space between the bottom of the door and the floor. He knelt down on the floor and tried to peer underneath but could see nothing. He tilted his head as to put his ear close to the opening and for a brief moment he thought he could hear the sounds of rap music coming from the other room.

Hesitantly, Mr. Cheese stood up and reached for the handle to open the door. It was cold and Mr. Cheese withdrew his hand as if touching a hot stove. After realizing the door could not harm him he once again reached for the handle and slowly began to turn it. As the door opened, a bright light began to fill his room like a tidal wave splashing against the walls and across his floor turning shadows into distinct objects throughout his room.

When the door reached the half way point a voice coming from the living room called out his name and told him to enter. Mr. Cheese was a bit hesitant but eventually succumbed and exited his room.
It was his house, or so it seemed, but something was definitely different. Gold chains and jewelry hung from all the walls giving the room a warm golden glow. On the floor were stacks of coins and money from every denomination. Everything about the room seemed to scream money and Mr. Cheese was beginning to feel a little more at ease.

“Get your ass in here cracker” the ghost demanded “and sit with me and my beautiful bling as so we can get to know each other a little better.”

Mr. Cheese strode across the room not making any eye contact with the ghostly figure that lay across his couch. His eyes were hidden behind oversized dark sun glasses, and he wore a large furry robe much like a pimp. Across his hands lay a ring that covered all four fingers with the words “Yeah” upon them. Atop his head was an over sized baseball cap turned slightly sideways.

“Are you the ghost of Computer Administrative Christmas present?” Asked Mr. Cheese

“WHAT????” replied the ghost

“I said, are you the ghost of Computer Administrative Christmas present?”

“WHAT????” again the ghost replied

“Ghost of Computer Administrative present?” Mr. Cheese repeated

“WHAT????”

“Ghost of Computer Administrative present?”

“YEAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!”

“Ahhhh……ok!” Mr. Cheese sat with a puzzled look at the ghost that sat across from him with a big smile across his face.

“My friends call me Lil John.” The ghost explained

“May I call you the same?” Asked Mr. Cheese

“OK!!!!!!” The ghost shouted “You have never seen the likes of a man such as myself have you Mr. Cheese?”

“No, I must say I have not!”

“Have you never walked with members of my race and statute before?”

“No, I can’t say I have had the pleasure!” Mr. Cheese stated

“WHAT????”

“I said no!”

“WHAT????”

“NO!!” Mr. Cheese was loosing his patience

“OK!!!!”

“Spirit, do with me as you must, I have already learned so much from the last spirit. I await what you shall teach me this hour.”

“Touch my robe” the ghost demanded “NO, not there you sick son of a bitch.”
“Oh sorry” Mr. Cheese moved his hand and grabbed onto the sleeve of the elegant purple and white furry robe.
In an instant the room and all of its glorious jewelry were gone.
They found themselves standing on a street corner of a dismal part of town. The streets were not plowed of their snow as the city refused to come to this part of town. Garbage was strewn about the streets, and cluttered up in large piles in front of old building fronts now all closed down. Windows were boarded up, while other boar bars across them to keep intruders out. It was not a pretty site and not one anybody would want to find themselves living, and yet there seemed to be a good sized population living here. There was but one shop in all of the small town run by a foreign guy paralyzed on his left side from being beaten and robbed so many times.
Mr. Cheese and the spirit stood by for what seemed like hours watching these peasants as they made the best of their poor lives. The spirit was especially and would sprinkle gold dust upon their heads as they passed by. As he did this it would bring a smile to each ones face. Although as with the past, the people could not see Mr. Cheese or the spirit, it seemed as if the mere presence of the spirit seemed to bring joy into the people’s hearts. In time the store closed, and the people on the streets hurried home to begin cooking their Christmas feasts.

“Why do you sprinkle gold dust upon their heads?” asked Mr. Cheese

“Because, it cheers them up, and takes all there worries away if only for a moment.” Responded the spirit

“But they are poor!”

“It is the poor ones that need it the most as they have nothing to begin with.”

“But it is your family and mine that has put these families out in the cold that have deprived them an honest day’s work and it is our past that starves them now.”

“YEAH!!!!” replied the ghost “There are some upon this beautiful earth of your kind….”

“And by “Your kind” you mean white?”

“Yeah…..yeah……that would have us all treated this way if they could prosper from it. Remember this and do not blame them, but only yourself.”

Mr. Cheese nodded his head in acknowledgment. As they strolled down the street they followed one person in particular until he arrived at his home. Once again the spirit began to sprinkle the gold dust across the doorway which read “The Crotchrot Family”. Yes that’s right, the spirit had followed and led Mr. Cheese to the door of the lone student with the tattered clothing.
Snow was beginning to fall outside as the spirit and Mr. Cheese shuffled themselves inside the old house. Before them in the dining area was a large table with place settings for several poeple. A small fire was burning in the fireplace and in the corner was an old Tandy Computer system. Standing next to it were two children around the ages of ten playing a game of pong. As Billy Bob Crotchrot entered the room two more children came running in to great him with smiles and hugs.

“Crotchrot really got around.” Mr. Cheese observed

“YEAH!!!!.......you crackers, always pushin mo babies out den you cans afford.” Replied the ghost.

Billy Bob Crotchrot looked around the room as if puzzled. “Why where is Bubba Fat?” (Not to be confused with Tiny Tim, or Bubba Fet from Star Wars mind you……long story, a lot of legal issues…….) It was always a game for the young stunted lad with an eating disorder which caused him to limp like a short fat Umpa Lumpa, to hide from his father while waiting for him to come home from work. Billy Bob Crotchrot stood in the center of the room for more then five minutes while everyone was silent. Finally after 20 minutes the stunted gimpy fatso boy came waddling out from behind a chair. It took him this long to muster up the strength to stand up.

“Ah there you are my chubby little boy.” Billy Bob Crotchrot bent down and gave his son a hug, his arms barely reaching half way around his large body.

Together they all went back to the table and sat at their respective places to eat dinner. The room was filled with laughter each one telling stories of their daily adventures. They were filled with joy as if they were the richest people on earth. You would have expected a huge fancy feast to arrive on the table with how everyone was caring on, but instead it was not. No huge bowl of mashed potatoes this Christmas day. No Pumpkin pie covered in whip cream. Not even a large stuffed bird to go along with the seasonal tradition. In fact when Mrs. Crotchrot returned from the kitchen with the plate to which the bird lay, it wasn’t even a small turkey, but instead a small pigeon they had found dead on the streets earlier that week stuffed with stale old bread crumbs. Mrs. Crotchrot drove the knife in just as you would with a large bird and gave each person a small portion to feast on. No one complained and they all enjoyed it as if they were sitting and eating at your local “Old Country Buffet”.
After finishing their meals they all nestled in next to the fire as Billy Bob Crotchrot threw another small log into the fireplace. Mrs. Crotchrot brought over a large jug and placed it on a small table beside Billy Bob.

“Ah my fair lady, did you brew me a batch of your famous Orange peal ketchup packet hooch?” Asked Mr. Crotchrot

“I most certainly did, finished fermenting just this morning.” Replied Mrs. Crotchrot

Mr. Crotchrot poured himself a glass of some of the most foul looking liquid ever to enter a mans mouth…….well unless you watched fear factor lately………oh, and there was that time on 5th street with the hooker, but that’s another story another day.
After a couple of glasses Mr. Crotchrot turned to the rest of the family and pronounced
“Merry chrishmash to ush all, God blesh us………BURRPPPPP!!!!!”

To which his family repeated….but with less slurring.

“God bless Twinkies!” Piped Bubba Fat

The entire family turned their heads to look at Bubba Fat in disgust.

“What the fuck is wrong with you boy!!!!” asked Mrs. Crotchrot

“Oh mother, he’s just hungry.” Replied one of his siblings innocently enough.

“I know he’s hungry, he’s always hungry, why the fuck do you think we had to eat a damn pigeon for dinner tonight. Damn kid eats out of house and home.”
Ma Crotchrot always got like that when she started drinking her hooch. The rest of the family would just ignore her. It was obvious that Bubba Fat’s excessive weight might some day send him to an early grave, this much was you could see just by looking into the sad eyes of the family.

“Tell me spirit” Mr. Cheese inquired “Will Bubba Fat live?”

“I see an empty sunken cushion on the love seat” the ghost replied “And an unopened Twinkie on the coffee table.”

“NO, NO, it can’t be, say it isn’t so spirit.” Mr. Cheese begged

“WHAT????”

“I said…. Oh never mind.”

They continued to watch the family on this joyous day.

“And to you Mr. Cheeeeessseee………I toast your wisdom.” Mr. Crotchrot said

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Mrs. Crotchrot asked “That old grumpy bustard, you’re going to waste my good hooch on that asshole?”

“Please mom, not in front of the children.”

“Well I will toast to his death but not to his wisdom” and with that she raised her glass and the rest of the room followed. The mere mention of Mr. Cheese’s name seemed to bring a black cloud to the festivities. They may not have been rich, and they may not have been pretty even by circus freaks standards, but they were happy. Mr. Cheese never took his eyes off of Bubba Fat, his face saddened, his eyes welling up with tears.
The spirit grabbed Mr. Cheese’s sleeve and guided him out of the house.
Mr. Cheese held his head low as they walked down the snow covered sidewalks, not lifting his head when the children snickered as he passed by them, not raising his head to watch the spirit sprinkle his gold dust on the people that crossed their path. He couldn’t stop thinking about poor fat ass Bubba Fat and his fate. A cold chill sent shivers down Mr. Cheese’s spine; he looked up to see a very dark and dismal place, well beyond the city.

“What is this place spirit?” Asked Mr. Cheese

The spirit said nothing but continued on. The sounds of waves could be heard splashing up against a shoreline in the distance. As they continued to walk a dim light shined through the night at the edge of the shore.

“Where are we going now?”

Again the spirit said nothing but continued on. The stepped off of a small dock and onto a boat littered with people. “I recognize these people.” Mr. Cheese commented. Indeed he did, the boat was filled with former students of his.

“Ha, Ha, Ha, Blah Heisenbug, he used to always say.” One of them commented

“Man we used to pick on him so bad behind his back……” another said

“Yeah, poor old son of a bitch never new what hit him when we were in there, I almost feel sorry for him.”

“Well I don’t” One student spoke up “he was a bitter old asshole who made learning anything a living hell.”

“Well it’s a pity he didn’t want to join us tonight to celebrate our graduation. He never was one for social gatherings.”

“Let’s play a game shall we. I will think of something and you all have to try and guess it, you may ask me any yes or no question you want and I will answer honestly. So who will begin?”

The students were all too eager to play along and before long they were barking out questions. “Is it an animal?” asked one to which the reply was “No!”, “Is it human?” to which the reply was “Yes!” It wasn’t long before they had narrowed it down to a human male.

“Is he old?”

“Yes!”

“Is he an asshole?”
“Yes!”

“I’ve got it, is it Mr. Cheese?”

“Yes, you’ve got it.” The student shouted in enthusiasm. The entire group roared with laughter at poor Mr. Cheese’s expense.

“Well Mr. Cheese, a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you, wherever you may be this night.” And with that the students all held up their glasses and toasted one another.

A single tear ran down Mr. Cheese’s cheek as he watched the entire display.

“I had no idea I was looked upon as such an evil person” But before Mr. Cheese could utter another word, the entire scene layed out in front of them was gone just as quickly as it had appeared. He glanced back at the spirit who now appeared to have aged significantly throughout the night.

“Is your spirit life short?” Asked Mr. Cheese

“YEAH!!!!”

“Oh Christ here we go again.” Mr. Cheese shook his head back and forth with his hand on his forehead.

Suddenly the old town clock stuck the hour of 4:00AM. Mr. Cheese raised his head to look at the spirit, but he was gone. Mr. Cheese was left alone in the dark with only the sound of the wind blowing through the dried branches on the trees scratching against themselves as they swayed back and forth. As the last stroke of the clock rang out Mr. Cheese remembered what the ghost who had visited him the first night had told him.
His heart began to pound loudly inside his chest as he could feel an uncomfortable presence surrounding him. His breathing became rapid as he was frozen in his tracks. Afraid to look around in hopes that maybe if he didn’t see the last spirit it might go away and yet for some reason he felt compelled to turn his head. Off in the distance he could see a dark figure approaching him. It was draped in a long black cloak; a hood over its head hid its face from being seen. It did not walk, but instead seemed to float a few inches off the ground as it approached him. Kind of like Chris Angel. Mr. Cheese looked back in hopes that the other spirit might reappear and take him away from this evil looking ghost, but there was nothing there. He turned back to the direction in which the spirit was fast approaching, who was now hovering over him like a dark shadow.

“Oh shit, this can’t be good.”

Chapter 4

The Last one, The Big Tamale

The dark shadow of a ghost hung over Mr. Cheese like hot tar on a freshly paved road. Mr. Cheese dropped to his knees from fear in the presence of this new spirit.

“You must be the ghost of Computer Administrative yet to come?” asked Mr. Cheese
The spirit stretched out his arm, his cloak hanging off of his arm several inches. From within the dark dwellings of his sleeve protruded a boney withered hand. He did not speak, only pointed with his index finger.

“Not much of a talker are ya? What’s the matter, cat got your tongue, ha,ha,ha……ha…….ha…………uh…………yeeeeaaaahhhh.” Mr. Cheese received no response from the spirit, he continued only in pointing in the same direction. “Your going to show me things to be, are you not spirit?” He was hopeful for even the smallest response from the spirit, but it stood there in the same position cold as stone, pointing. Mr. Cheese was getting pretty used to seeing ghosts, but this one made him uncomfortable to say the least. He stood up to face the ghost, knees shaking, lips trembling, scared to death as he peered into the hood of the spirit and saw nothing but darkness, even though he could feel the heat of it’s dark eyes staring down upon him burning into his soul.

The spirit began floating across the ground in the direction in which he was pointing. Mr. Cheese felt an irresistible urge to follow behind. The scenery didn’t seem to change; much like walking on a treadmill Mr. Cheese got the impression that they weren’t going anywhere. Instead of walking into the city as he had with the previous spirits, the buildings seemed to appear out of thin air all around, then the road beneath them, and just as suddenly there were people. They stopped outside a large building where several people had gathered. The spirit pointed to the group of men and Mr. Cheese obliged by moving in closer to catch a glimpse of their conversation.

“He’s dead all right” said a short stout man with a curled up nose.

“Are you sure? Did you kick him?” Asked a skinnier balding man

“What the fuck do you take me for, of course I kicked him, he was dead as a nail I tell you.” Replied the stout man

“Well is there going to be a funeral?” A quiet girl asked.

“I suppose so, but not much of it, no one liked the man.”

“What did he do with all his countless IT books?” Asked another

“Who knows, knowing him, he wouldn’t give them up even after death; he probably has a Will describing they all be buried with him, or better yet burned.”

A light hearted chuckle came from the crowd of people. Mr. Cheese knew the people; they were former students of his. The crowd continued to converse and fade away; Mr. Cheese looked back at the spirit who now was floating towards him once again, his withered finger pointing farther down the street. It wasn’t long before they came across another, smaller, group of people. Again Mr. Cheese approached them to listen in.

“Old bastard finally got what he deserved.” A business man in a suit said

“So it would appear.” Replied another

Mr. Cheese recognized these gentlemen as well. They were fellow colleagues. But who could they be talking about; surely they wouldn’t still be talking about his partner Speds death after all this time. Besides this was the ghost of things to come, not things in the past. Mr. Cheese shrugged it off and trusted that the spirit would guide him to these answers when the time was right. He stood quietly looking around the streets and busy crowds trying to find himself amongst the people but saw nothing to his likeness. This struck Mr. Cheese by surprise.
They continued to stroll, or rather float down through the town until they came upon a small dismal area known better as the slums. Mr. Cheese had never been here before but he knew the area well. He turned to face the spirit who once again was pointing with his finger to a scraggly house that was dimly lit. Mr. Cheese approached the window. With both hands held on each side of his head he pressed his forehead against the cold glass. Inside he could make out four people gathered beside an open fire and a large box.

“Well slide that damn box over here so we can get this over with.” A large man sitting upon a stool said.

“What’s the fuss, not like he’ll be needing these things anymore?” Another voice said sitting across from the first man

“True, but the sooner we get this over with the better I’ll feel. Just being in the presence of that damn box makes me feel all dirty and low inside.”

“Oh nonsense” said a women walking into the room carrying what seemed to be a pot of coffee “It’s just a box full of his belongings, what are you worried about.” The box was slid over to the large man on the stool while the rest stood by and watched him open it and begin removing the contents inside.

“Look at this, an old tattered rag of a hooded black sweatshirt…..ewww…..” The man said as he held up a large black coat before throwing it inside the fire. “No one will be needed that ugly thing anymore.” The fire erupted with a large flume of yellow and orange flame as the old coat landed atop the smoldering logs within. He reached back inside the box grabbing a handful of glass frames containing several IT certifications. The large man let them slip from his grasp and crash to the floor breaking the glass which once protected the fragile paper certifications inside.

“Ah now look what I have done…….dammit.” The man said

“Well they are of no use anymore, just a bunch of stupid pieces of paper; throw them into the fire as well.” The women replied

“Well if we get nothing else out of his death, at least he kept the fire burning for a few more hours.” They all laughed together at this comment.

Mr. Cheese could not believe how callous these people were with someone’s personal belongings. He cringed as they threw the IT certifications into the fire which once again came roaring to life as it devoured the delicate paper.

“I see spirit” said Mr. Cheese “I see that you are trying to tell me that the way this deceased man is being treated might be my own as well.” He lowered his head from the glass and turned toward the spirit. As he lifted his head the surrounding changed once again. This time he found himself in a cold dark room with not a glimmer of any light.

“Where am I spirit” Mr. Cheese cried out, but there was no response. He turned his head left to right trying to figure out where he was, what room he was in. He could here the scratching of tiny feet as rats ran across the floor boards. Two of them were scuffling off in the corner. Mr. Cheese dared not to get down off the bed as the floor seemed to fill with the sounds of more angry rats hissing and scratching all around him. Quickly he backed himself farther onto the bed before hitting a hard cold lump beneath the covers.

“What is this?” he asked himself, and in that moment a single light shine down onto the bed revealing the outlined figure of a man hidden beneath the covers.

“Who is this man?” asked Mr. Cheese

Another light, much more dim revealed the spirit standing in the corner of the room, rats scurrying beneath his robe. The spirit didn’t seem to mind this, nor did he try to move them out from beneath him, even as they began to bite and tear the flesh from his bones. It almost seemed like the spirit encouraged the little demons as if to be feeding his children. This very site sent chills down Mr. Cheese’s spine and he found himself in that same position he was the night the first spirit had visited him, scared to death. He looked again at the figure below the covers which was covered from head to toe.

“I ask you again spirit, who is this beneath the covers? Is this the man that the town seemed to hate?”
Once again the spirit raised his hand in silence, what little flesh he had was now dripping off of his bones like a hot candle burning through the night. He pointed at the mans head instructing Mr. Cheese to pull back the covers.

Mr. Cheese looked down at the figure, something deep down inside him wanted to pull back the covers, wanted to see what lay beneath, wanted to know, but there was a much larger part of him that withdrew his hand before it came in contact with the sheet which lay upon the face of the dead man.

“No, I can’t…..I CAN’T I TELL YOU” Cried Mr. Cheese

The spirit thrust forth his arm once again at the head of the dead man beneath the covers at which time a loud crack of thunder could be heard echoing from within the room as if the spirit himself had some how mastered the will of nature. Mr. Cheese reached for the covers once again, his hand shaking immensely. Closer and closer he got until he could hear the sounds of whispers all around him. These were not the whispers of pleasant people, instead they were angry whispers, spitting out obscenities and foul language like a cheap hooker. As Mr. Cheese’s hand got close to the sheet which covered the head of the dead man the whispers became louder, and louder, filling his ears to the point of screams. He withdrew his hand once again and covered his ears. The screams fell silent.

“No, I can’t…….please spirit don’t make me do it. Show me that there is someone out there that does not hate this man.” And with that the spirit withdrew his arm and opened his robe revealing a small picturesque window.

“Dude, you got a DVD player in your robe?.........That’s so fucking cool……..”

Mr. Cheese watched as a scene unfolded. It was the house of one of his students. Inside a young woman nervously paced back and forth as she awaited the return of her husband. The door swung open sending in the cold air from outside. The woman stopped in her tracks and turned to face the open door in which her husband stood.

“Is it good news, or bad?” She asked

“It’s good, the stories were true, he is dead.”

“So what about your training, who will take over as your teacher, can you get an extension now.”

“Slow down woman, I don’t know the answers to any of these questions yet, but for now we can rest easy.” And with that they both smiled and sat down at the table to enjoy their meal.

It saddened Mr. Cheese to see the only pleasure brought to anyone from the deceased man was in fact his death. The scene then changed again to that of a much darker one. It was Billy Bob Crotchrot’s house, only this time there was no smiles on the faces of the children. There was no Bubba Fat hiding behind a chair waiting for his father to come home. The family was dressed all in black and preparing for what looked like a funeral. Mr. Cheese listened in as Billy Bob broke down in tears weeping talking about his fat son. It was obvious that Bubba Fat had passed on due to his obesity. The spirit closed his robe and the room began to whirl with black smoke. They now found themselves standing beside a small church outside of any busy cities, away from all the hustle and bustle of any town. Next to the church was a small graveyard littered with old dead trees. The grass had not been cut for sometime, and the gravestones were buried beneath blankets of vines and overgrown grass. It was obvious that this was a graveyard for the forgotten, the hated, and the repulsed, for which no one ever visited.
The wind was howling throughout the graveyard as the spirit and Mr. Cheese approached a small headstone near the back of the site. They stopped several feet from the stone and the spirit once again pointed, this time directly at Mr. Cheese. His heart stopped and his knees fell weak as Mr. Cheese undoubtedly knew what the spirit wanted.

“Tell me spirit before I turn to look at this lonely gravestone, was the man lying on the bed……was it me?”

The spirit did not move, and even though the wind was blowing Mr. Cheese’s pajamas practically off his body, the spirit and his robe stood motionless. Mr. Cheese glanced over his shoulder at the headstone, squinting his eyes to see the name engraved upon it. A large crash of lighting lit the sky for miles illuminating the stone in all its glory. Neither grass, nor vines could hide what Mr. Cheese eyes now saw. It was his name engraved on the stone.

“Is this my fate? Is this my future? Please spirit say it isn’t so. I have learned my lesson; I will live the ways of the three spirits. I will embrace Christmas and all it’s glory, I will not go back to my old ways, I am a changed man, please tell me that my efforts will not go ignored, that I can still change this future.” Mr. Cheese dropped to his knees and clutched onto the robe of the spirit. “Please I beg of you, let me change…….” The spirit did not move as Mr. Cheese sobbed loudly into his robe. Again Mr. Cheese begged and pleaded with the spirit to give him another chance, and with that, the wind stopped, the howling was gone, and the robe in which he clung to, dropped into a pile of nothing at his feet. Mr. Cheese looked around to see he was back in his bedroom, the light shinning through the windows had told him it was the beginning of a new day.

Chapter 5

A new Beginning

Mr. Cheese sat on his bed looking around his room. Yes it was true he was back in his own house. He turned to where the lump from the dead heap lay before and saw nothing. A sigh of relief escaped his mouth. He gathered up the top sheet and used it to wipe his face dry from the tears.

“It’s true…..I am back in my own house. The spirits have given me another chance, I know they have, this must be why I’m back in my own room.” His face was a glow with enthusiasm as he jumped around the room in joy.
He continued running throughout the house in glee remarking at all the things from the previous night with each spirit.

“There’s the couch the spirit of Lil Jon sat. And there, right there, is my computer screen that the first ghost appeared.”

If anyone were to enter the house they would think he was insane parading around in his pajamas acting like the kings gesture. He truly seemed to be a changed man.

“ I don’t know what to do, I’m just so happy to be alive…..what day is it? I don’t know what day it is! Oh fuck I don’t care, Woohoo, woot, woot……..”

He rushed to the living room widow and thrust it open. Poking his head outside, his head turned towards the sky allowing the sun to splash against his face. Walking down the street was a young boy delivering the morning paper.

“Hey you, what day is it?” Asked Mr. Cheese

“Fuck off old man!” Replied the young lad

“Oh kids these days, funny, funny boy” Mr. Cheese said under his breath “I ask you one more time before I come out there and beat your ass down like the piece of shit you are, WHAT FUCKING DAY IS IT.”

This seemed to grab the little bastards attention as his next response was “Ah….well it’s Christmas day.”

“Christmas day WHAT?????”

“Ah Christmas day….ah…..Sir?”

“Oh goodie, I haven’t missed it, the spirits have blessed me once again……he, he, he….” Mr. Cheese said softly to himself while rubbing his hands together.

“Can I go now.” The young lad outside shouted

“Ah…..no, no, tell me boy, do you know the CompUSA store down on main street?”

“DUH!!!”

“Good, good…….” Replied Mr. Cheese “Do they still have the prize router in the window?”

“You mean the four port one?”

“The four port one, funny, funny boy……I like him.” Mr. Cheese said quietly “No boy, the big one, the 40 port monster?”

“Well yes I suppose they do.”

Mr. Cheese rubbed his hands together again with a huge smile across his face “It’s good…..it’s good….” “I want you to go down there and buy it, this very minute.” Demanded Mr. Cheese

“Are you fucking retarded, I don’t have any money.”

“Oh yes…….I will pay for it, tell the manager to deliver it here immediately, tell him there is a bonus in it for him, and if you do this in the next five minutes I will give you a hundred dollar bill.”

“Whoopee!!!” A sarcastic reply came from the young boy.

“Fine, make it a thousand, would that make you happy?” But before he could finish the boy dropped his remaining papers and was running as fast as he could towards town. “Ah…..good, good, boy. I’ll send that damn thing to Crotchrot’s house along with a brand new computer system to replace their dinosaur of a computer……he’ll be so surprised.” Mr. Cheese was beside himself now, giggling like a school boy.

Mr. Cheese ran off to get dressed, and clean himself up. It wasn’t long before there was a knock on his door. In a dash he ran to answer it. Standing outside the door was a very exhausted paper boy.

“Ok……..old man……..where’s my thousand bucks?” He said between breaths “Best Buy has an Xbox with my name on it.”

Mr. Cheese looked behind the boy to see a very happy store manager wearing a CompUSA shirt. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a brand new crisp thousand dollar bill and handed it to the boy as promised. Like a streak of lightning the boy took off running..

“That thing is huge.” Remarked Mr. Cheese

“Ah………oh the router, yes indeed it is.” Replied the store manager.

Mr. Cheese grabbed a piece of paper and pen and scribbled down an address onto it.

“Here, I wish to have this delivered to this address immediately.”

“Are you insane, I damn near broke my back carrying this shit here.”

“Really? Well isn’t that your car still running in my driveway?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Well then, here is your bonus, and some gas money, now hurry, go deliver that thing to the address I gave you.”

Mr. Cheese grabbed his coat and gloves and ran out of the house, scurrying down the street. Before he knew it he was in the city amongst some of the same people he had seen while out with the spirits the previous night. As he continued to walk briskly he came across the student which he had scolded a few days prior. Mr. Cheese was a bit hesitant to make eye contact with his former student in fear of how he might treat him.

Reaching out he grabbed the man by both shoulders. “Merry Christmas to you sir, I hope all is well with you.”

“Mr. Cheese” the astounded student replied

“Yes, that’s my name.” Mr. Cheese leaned into the student and whispered into his ear to which the student almost fell backwards.

“Are you fucking serious?”

“Yes, yes I am, free training for as long as you need it, just come on into the center, I have already taken care of all the paperwork.”

The student was in shock, his mouth hung open not knowing what to say. When he regained his composure he took Mr. Cheese’s hand “Thank you, thank you very much….I …I don’t know what to say….I….”

“You don’t have to say anything, it is my pleasure.” And with that Mr. Cheese tipped his hat to the man and continued on with his journey.

Mr. Cheese finally arrived at his destination outside Billy Bob Crotchrot’s house. He stood outside for a minute before knocking on the door. In an instant his happy smiling face turned into a low frown. Every few seconds the smile would creep back onto his face, he couldn’t help himself. He could hear footsteps approaching the door, closer and closer, again he put on as serious of a face as he could. Billy Bob answered the door.

“Mr. Cheese? Can….can I help you.”

“You most certainly can fuck face, I opened the school today for you and you never showed up. A waste of my time, and for what…..nothing…….are you going to give me back the time I wasted today?” Mr. Cheese said in his old evil voice.

“Well I thought….I mean you said…….I didn’t think…..”

“Enough, I will not tolerate this anymore. And because of it, I have brought by a brand new computer for you along with a 40 port router so your entire family can enjoy the world wide web. I have also extended your training indefinably and brought you all the books you will ever need to pass any course.”

“I….I don’t understand” Billy Bob was undoubtedly confused by all this generosity from Mr. Cheese

Mr. Cheese couldn’t hold it back any longer; he let out a roar of laughter, followed by a slap on the shoulder of Billy Bob. “Oh man, it’s Christmas, I brought you all this for you and your family. I want to see you succeed!”

“Are you the same Mr. Cheese as my instructor, or was he kidnapped by aliens last night?”

“Well I’m not going to lie to you Billy Bob, I might have been probed during the night………but that doesn’t matter, I am a new man. Here, I also brought you a membership to Jenny Craig for your fat kid. Get that boy on a diet before he dies.”

“Yeahhhhhh……..ummmmmm…..ok.”

They exchanged some more small talk before Billy Bob invited him into the house to enjoy a wonderful Christmas dinner with his family. Mr. Cheese looked behind the chair immediately to find one large Bubba Fat playing hide and seek much like he did every night waiting for his father. He was relieved. Everything was good, and laughter filled the house…..except that is when Mrs. Billy Bob Crotchrot walked out of the kitchen and saw Mr. Cheese for the first time and began beating him with a rolling pin to within an inch of his life before Billy Bob could explain. But after that everything was good once again, and Mr. Cheese did change his ways, and his life. He lived a long happy 6 months (major stroke took his ass out) always giving full attention to his students and helping every one of them along the way.

The
End