The Cheesy Cracker

A daily blog of my life as a computer geek/security expert. Note: Some stories may be fictional based on the author’s Benedryl induced coma at the time of writing.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Life is just a game

Originally posted Wednesday, July 20, 2005

“Captain,…were under attack!!!”

*WOOT…..WOOT……..* the sounds of sirens scream all around me.

I’m confused, not sure where I am or what to do. Everything is a blur. My ears still ringing in pain from the piercing sound of the last explosion.

“Damn it Captain, snap out of it” A loud “SMACK” echoes through the bridge as his hand lands across my face leaving an impression of his fingers upon my cheek.My eyes dart back shooting a stern look at second in command assuring him that I have regained my senses.
“What are we to do Captain? Were losing ships fast” His face now reflecting the fear of the entire crew!

“Man battle stations” I bellow “scramble all fighter jets. We must protect the fleet at all costs until it makes the jump.”

“Yes sir” he says without hesitation. Seconds later I hear his voice over the loud speaker as he repeats my orders to the rest of the crew. Regaining my composure, I scan the deck to asses the damage.

“Lieutenant……how bad is it?” I ask.

“We took some heavy damage in that last attack sir, but I think we are ok” he assures me.

BLAST……….*KABOOM*

A large shudder falls over the ship as we are hit again. Sparks begin to fly from damaged electrical components; my nostrils burn from the smell of melting electronics as large plumes of black smoke escape from several consoles filling the deck with a large poisonous cloud.

“Put those fires out immediately” I demand.
The entire crew staggering in confusion through the smoke trying to find any means possible to extinguish the flames.
“Sergeant, get us the hell out of here NOW!!!!!”

“I, I Captain”

From across the bridge I hear “Sir we’ve sustained heavy damage to the ship including flight deck 7”
A quiet hush falls over the crew as we begin to realize that we may not have any fighters left to escort us out of this mess. All eyes are now focused on me as they look for the guidance needed to get us out of here safely.

With a strong voice I announce “Lieutenant…….”

“Yes sir”

“Your in charge.” I say

“Sir?”

“You heard me dammit. I’m going down to the flight deck to see if I can salvage any fighters. I’ll be damned if we lose this fleet while I’m in charge.” Slamming my fist down onto the console “As soon as I clear the ship your orders are to escort the fleet into the jump.”

“But what about you sir”

“Dont' worry I’ll be hot on your tail" I say "but for now someone has to keep those slimy bustards from entering the jump and trailing us”
With that, I storm off the bridge into the lift “Deck Seven” I announce. The lift begins to move my eyes watching the numbers as they count down, “15, 14, 13, 12, 11” a lump begins to form in my throat the closer I get to deck 7 fearing the carnage I might encounter when the doors open. “10, 9, 8, 7.”
Before the doors even open I can feel the heat and smell of burning fuel emitting from the room.

“WHOOSH” The door wisps open. Amongst the mangled fighters and twisted metal I can hear screams coming from wounded soldiers. There, in front of me, about 15 feet I can see what appears to be the remains of a badly wounded crewman. The automatic extinguish system obviously not working fast enough as his entire body is completely charred from the flash fire of burning fuel. His arm extends reaching out to me. As he lifts his head to look at me his mouth begins to open begging his body to give him the strength to produce tangible words.

“help…..me……..PLEASE!!!!” With that he collapses to the floor, his chest heaves one last time as the final breath of air escapes his lungs.
I turn away as the taste of vomit enters the back of my mouth moments before I start convulsing. The smell of buring flesh is unbearable. I run back to the lift my hand reaching for the button to open the doors. Before I can press the button to leave this unsightly hell I remember why I am here.
“What am I doing?” I ask myself out loud.
If I don’t do something now the suffering of my crew members will be all for not. I turn on my heels, keeping my eyes focused on what looks to be the last fighter still intact and begin to run towards it all the while trying to ignore the screams and cries coming from my men still trapped or severely burned. I climb aboard the fighter and strap myself in. With a few flicks and clicks of buttons I’m quickly comforted by the familiar sound of the engines firing up. Shortly after a loud burst emits from the behind me as the fighter slowly begins to pull forward. I grasp the control stick and try to maneuver my way through the tangled mess of what used to be a hanger. Ahead I can see another inbound enemy fighter preparing to hit the deck, no doubt to finish what he started.
“It’s now or never” I say in a loud voice trying to give myself confidence, knowing all to well that if he fires before I get off the deck I am as dead as the rest of my crew.
My hand shoves the throttle completely forward, throwing my body against the seat. I struggle to keep my hands gripped to the flight stick.

*CRACK……..CRACK…….CRACK*

The sounds of his lasers ricochet behind me as I am whisked out into space.

VVVVVSSSSSSS………VSSSSSSSSS……….

Shit, two more enemy fighters whiz past and have taken point on me. I take evasive maneuvers, but can’t seem to shake them. More shot’s ring out nearly hitting me.
I swing the fighter around, now facing the ship from which I just narrowly escaped.

*If I play this right I might be able to shake them by flying close enough to the deck in the opposite direction as the rest of the fleet. With only one fighter they might ignore me and think I am just abandoning my ship*

I drop the fighter to the deck racing between columns and other obstacles littered across the top of the ship. It’s not long before the shots coming from behind me slow down and eventually come to a halt. I turn my head in the constrictive cockpit to get a better look behind me.It worked they’ve given up chase and diverted their attention back to the jump ship’s. With both of them focusing their firepower on something other then me I can move in behind them. I steady the fighter and settle in to an advantage point that should take out both of them with one shot.
“Steady now” the adrenaline building inside of me.

.…..THUMP THUMP………THUMP THUMP…..

The sound of my heart echoing throughout my entire body, my finger trembling on the trigger with anticipation as I move in closer!
This is it, if I miss, I won’t have a ship to return to.
I line up my sights………slowly I begin to squeeze the trigger…………..

………….BEEP………… (My intercom springs to life next to me back at my desk)


“Are you available for orientation of a student?”

Startled and confused I begin pressing the wrong keys on my keyboard. Come on just a few more seconds…….

“HELLO….” An impatient voice says from the intercom as if I didn’t hear him the first time.

“Ah fuck,” I shout, drawing attention of the entire room “I just crashed my fighter into the deck of the mother ship. Do you have any idea how long it took me to get this god damn far in the game?” I ask.

“Ah……no……..” a crackled voice says from the other side.

“Four god damn hours. Now I have to start the whole fucking level over from port station 10.” I say in disgust.

“So you’re available?” he asks.

“Yeah I guess so, meet me in the conference room.” As I throw my keyboard off in front of me and watch on my screen as my entire fleet is slowly destroyed.


If he was on my ship, I would have him jettisoned out a torpedo tube for such insubordination!

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