Chapter 5
A new Beginning
Mr. Cheese sat on his bed looking around his room. Yes it was true he was back in his own house. He turned to where the lump from the dead heap lay before and saw nothing. A sigh of relief escaped his mouth. He gathered up the top sheet and used it to wipe his face dry from the tears.
“It’s true…..I am back in my own house. The spirits have given me another chance, I know they have, this must be why I’m back in my own room.” His face was a glow with enthusiasm as he jumped around the room in joy.
He continued running throughout the house in glee remarking at all the things from the previous night with each spirit.
“There’s the couch the spirit of Lil Jon sat. And there, right there, is my computer screen that the first ghost appeared.”
If anyone were to enter the house they would think he was insane parading around in his pajamas acting like the kings gesture. He truly seemed to be a changed man.
“ I don’t know what to do, I’m just so happy to be alive…..what day is it? I don’t know what day it is! Oh fuck I don’t care, Woohoo, woot, woot……..”
He rushed to the living room widow and thrust it open. Poking his head outside, his head turned towards the sky allowing the sun to splash against his face. Walking down the street was a young boy delivering the morning paper.
“Hey you, what day is it?” Asked Mr. Cheese
“Fuck off old man!” Replied the young lad
“Oh kids these days, funny, funny boy” Mr. Cheese said under his breath “I ask you one more time before I come out there and beat your ass down like the piece of shit you are, WHAT FUCKING DAY IS IT.”
This seemed to grab the little bastards attention as his next response was “Ah….well it’s Christmas day.”
“Christmas day WHAT?????”
“Ah Christmas day….ah…..Sir?”
“Oh goodie, I haven’t missed it, the spirits have blessed me once again……he, he, he….” Mr. Cheese said softly to himself while rubbing his hands together.
“Can I go now.” The young lad outside shouted
“Ah…..no, no, tell me boy, do you know the CompUSA store down on main street?”
“DUH!!!”
“Good, good…….” Replied Mr. Cheese “Do they still have the prize router in the window?”
“You mean the four port one?”
“The four port one, funny, funny boy……I like him.” Mr. Cheese said quietly “No boy, the big one, the 40 port monster?”
“Well yes I suppose they do.”
Mr. Cheese rubbed his hands together again with a huge smile across his face “It’s good…..it’s good….” “I want you to go down there and buy it, this very minute.” Demanded Mr. Cheese
“Are you fucking retarded, I don’t have any money.”
“Oh yes…….I will pay for it, tell the manager to deliver it here immediately, tell him there is a bonus in it for him, and if you do this in the next five minutes I will give you a hundred dollar bill.”
“Whoopee!!!” A sarcastic reply came from the young boy.
“Fine, make it a thousand, would that make you happy?” But before he could finish the boy dropped his remaining papers and was running as fast as he could towards town. “Ah…..good, good, boy. I’ll send that damn thing to Crotchrot’s house along with a brand new computer system to replace their dinosaur of a computer……he’ll be so surprised.” Mr. Cheese was beside himself now, giggling like a school boy.
Mr. Cheese ran off to get dressed, and clean himself up. It wasn’t long before there was a knock on his door. In a dash he ran to answer it. Standing outside the door was a very exhausted paper boy.
“Ok……..old man……..where’s my thousand bucks?” He said between breaths “Best Buy has an Xbox with my name on it.”
Mr. Cheese looked behind the boy to see a very happy store manager wearing a CompUSA shirt. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a brand new crisp thousand dollar bill and handed it to the boy as promised. Like a streak of lightning the boy took off running..
“That thing is huge.” Remarked Mr. Cheese
“Ah………oh the router, yes indeed it is.” Replied the store manager.
Mr. Cheese grabbed a piece of paper and pen and scribbled down an address onto it.
“Here, I wish to have this delivered to this address immediately.”
“Are you insane, I damn near broke my back carrying this shit here.”
“Really? Well isn’t that your car still running in my driveway?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Well then, here is your bonus, and some gas money, now hurry, go deliver that thing to the address I gave you.”
Mr. Cheese grabbed his coat and gloves and ran out of the house, scurrying down the street. Before he knew it he was in the city amongst some of the same people he had seen while out with the spirits the previous night. As he continued to walk briskly he came across the student which he had scolded a few days prior. Mr. Cheese was a bit hesitant to make eye contact with his former student in fear of how he might treat him.
Reaching out he grabbed the man by both shoulders. “Merry Christmas to you sir, I hope all is well with you.”
“Mr. Cheese” the astounded student replied
“Yes, that’s my name.” Mr. Cheese leaned into the student and whispered into his ear to which the student almost fell backwards.
“Are you fucking serious?”
“Yes, yes I am, free training for as long as you need it, just come on into the center, I have already taken care of all the paperwork.”
The student was in shock, his mouth hung open not knowing what to say. When he regained his composure he took Mr. Cheese’s hand “Thank you, thank you very much….I …I don’t know what to say….I….”
“You don’t have to say anything, it is my pleasure.” And with that Mr. Cheese tipped his hat to the man and continued on with his journey.
Mr. Cheese finally arrived at his destination outside Billy Bob Crotchrot’s house. He stood outside for a minute before knocking on the door. In an instant his happy smiling face turned into a low frown. Every few seconds the smile would creep back onto his face, he couldn’t help himself. He could hear footsteps approaching the door, closer and closer, again he put on as serious of a face as he could. Billy Bob answered the door.
“Mr. Cheese? Can….can I help you.”
“You most certainly can fuck face, I opened the school today for you and you never showed up. A waste of my time, and for what…..nothing…….are you going to give me back the time I wasted today?” Mr. Cheese said in his old evil voice.
“Well I thought….I mean you said…….I didn’t think…..”
“Enough, I will not tolerate this anymore. And because of it, I have brought by a brand new computer for you along with a 40 port router so your entire family can enjoy the world wide web. I have also extended your training indefinably and brought you all the books you will ever need to pass any course.”
“I….I don’t understand” Billy Bob was undoubtedly confused by all this generosity from Mr. Cheese
Mr. Cheese couldn’t hold it back any longer; he let out a roar of laughter, followed by a slap on the shoulder of Billy Bob. “Oh man, it’s Christmas, I brought you all this for you and your family. I want to see you succeed!”
“Are you the same Mr. Cheese as my instructor, or was he kidnapped by aliens last night?”
“Well I’m not going to lie to you Billy Bob, I might have been probed during the night………but that doesn’t matter, I am a new man. Here, I also brought you a membership to Jenny Craig for your fat kid. Get that boy on a diet before he dies.”
“Yeahhhhhh……..ummmmmm…..ok.”
They exchanged some more small talk before Billy Bob invited him into the house to enjoy a wonderful Christmas dinner with his family. Mr. Cheese looked behind the chair immediately to find one large Bubba Fat playing hide and seek much like he did every night waiting for his father. He was relieved. Everything was good, and laughter filled the house…..except that is when Mrs. Billy Bob Crotchrot walked out of the kitchen and saw Mr. Cheese for the first time and began beating him with a rolling pin to within an inch of his life before Billy Bob could explain. But after that everything was good once again, and Mr. Cheese did change his ways, and his life. He lived a long happy 6 months (major stroke took his ass out) always giving full attention to his students and helping every one of them along the way.
The
End
Mr. Cheese sat on his bed looking around his room. Yes it was true he was back in his own house. He turned to where the lump from the dead heap lay before and saw nothing. A sigh of relief escaped his mouth. He gathered up the top sheet and used it to wipe his face dry from the tears.
“It’s true…..I am back in my own house. The spirits have given me another chance, I know they have, this must be why I’m back in my own room.” His face was a glow with enthusiasm as he jumped around the room in joy.
He continued running throughout the house in glee remarking at all the things from the previous night with each spirit.
“There’s the couch the spirit of Lil Jon sat. And there, right there, is my computer screen that the first ghost appeared.”
If anyone were to enter the house they would think he was insane parading around in his pajamas acting like the kings gesture. He truly seemed to be a changed man.
“ I don’t know what to do, I’m just so happy to be alive…..what day is it? I don’t know what day it is! Oh fuck I don’t care, Woohoo, woot, woot……..”
He rushed to the living room widow and thrust it open. Poking his head outside, his head turned towards the sky allowing the sun to splash against his face. Walking down the street was a young boy delivering the morning paper.
“Hey you, what day is it?” Asked Mr. Cheese
“Fuck off old man!” Replied the young lad
“Oh kids these days, funny, funny boy” Mr. Cheese said under his breath “I ask you one more time before I come out there and beat your ass down like the piece of shit you are, WHAT FUCKING DAY IS IT.”
This seemed to grab the little bastards attention as his next response was “Ah….well it’s Christmas day.”
“Christmas day WHAT?????”
“Ah Christmas day….ah…..Sir?”
“Oh goodie, I haven’t missed it, the spirits have blessed me once again……he, he, he….” Mr. Cheese said softly to himself while rubbing his hands together.
“Can I go now.” The young lad outside shouted
“Ah…..no, no, tell me boy, do you know the CompUSA store down on main street?”
“DUH!!!”
“Good, good…….” Replied Mr. Cheese “Do they still have the prize router in the window?”
“You mean the four port one?”
“The four port one, funny, funny boy……I like him.” Mr. Cheese said quietly “No boy, the big one, the 40 port monster?”
“Well yes I suppose they do.”
Mr. Cheese rubbed his hands together again with a huge smile across his face “It’s good…..it’s good….” “I want you to go down there and buy it, this very minute.” Demanded Mr. Cheese
“Are you fucking retarded, I don’t have any money.”
“Oh yes…….I will pay for it, tell the manager to deliver it here immediately, tell him there is a bonus in it for him, and if you do this in the next five minutes I will give you a hundred dollar bill.”
“Whoopee!!!” A sarcastic reply came from the young boy.
“Fine, make it a thousand, would that make you happy?” But before he could finish the boy dropped his remaining papers and was running as fast as he could towards town. “Ah…..good, good, boy. I’ll send that damn thing to Crotchrot’s house along with a brand new computer system to replace their dinosaur of a computer……he’ll be so surprised.” Mr. Cheese was beside himself now, giggling like a school boy.
Mr. Cheese ran off to get dressed, and clean himself up. It wasn’t long before there was a knock on his door. In a dash he ran to answer it. Standing outside the door was a very exhausted paper boy.
“Ok……..old man……..where’s my thousand bucks?” He said between breaths “Best Buy has an Xbox with my name on it.”
Mr. Cheese looked behind the boy to see a very happy store manager wearing a CompUSA shirt. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a brand new crisp thousand dollar bill and handed it to the boy as promised. Like a streak of lightning the boy took off running..
“That thing is huge.” Remarked Mr. Cheese
“Ah………oh the router, yes indeed it is.” Replied the store manager.
Mr. Cheese grabbed a piece of paper and pen and scribbled down an address onto it.
“Here, I wish to have this delivered to this address immediately.”
“Are you insane, I damn near broke my back carrying this shit here.”
“Really? Well isn’t that your car still running in my driveway?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Well then, here is your bonus, and some gas money, now hurry, go deliver that thing to the address I gave you.”
Mr. Cheese grabbed his coat and gloves and ran out of the house, scurrying down the street. Before he knew it he was in the city amongst some of the same people he had seen while out with the spirits the previous night. As he continued to walk briskly he came across the student which he had scolded a few days prior. Mr. Cheese was a bit hesitant to make eye contact with his former student in fear of how he might treat him.
Reaching out he grabbed the man by both shoulders. “Merry Christmas to you sir, I hope all is well with you.”
“Mr. Cheese” the astounded student replied
“Yes, that’s my name.” Mr. Cheese leaned into the student and whispered into his ear to which the student almost fell backwards.
“Are you fucking serious?”
“Yes, yes I am, free training for as long as you need it, just come on into the center, I have already taken care of all the paperwork.”
The student was in shock, his mouth hung open not knowing what to say. When he regained his composure he took Mr. Cheese’s hand “Thank you, thank you very much….I …I don’t know what to say….I….”
“You don’t have to say anything, it is my pleasure.” And with that Mr. Cheese tipped his hat to the man and continued on with his journey.
Mr. Cheese finally arrived at his destination outside Billy Bob Crotchrot’s house. He stood outside for a minute before knocking on the door. In an instant his happy smiling face turned into a low frown. Every few seconds the smile would creep back onto his face, he couldn’t help himself. He could hear footsteps approaching the door, closer and closer, again he put on as serious of a face as he could. Billy Bob answered the door.
“Mr. Cheese? Can….can I help you.”
“You most certainly can fuck face, I opened the school today for you and you never showed up. A waste of my time, and for what…..nothing…….are you going to give me back the time I wasted today?” Mr. Cheese said in his old evil voice.
“Well I thought….I mean you said…….I didn’t think…..”
“Enough, I will not tolerate this anymore. And because of it, I have brought by a brand new computer for you along with a 40 port router so your entire family can enjoy the world wide web. I have also extended your training indefinably and brought you all the books you will ever need to pass any course.”
“I….I don’t understand” Billy Bob was undoubtedly confused by all this generosity from Mr. Cheese
Mr. Cheese couldn’t hold it back any longer; he let out a roar of laughter, followed by a slap on the shoulder of Billy Bob. “Oh man, it’s Christmas, I brought you all this for you and your family. I want to see you succeed!”
“Are you the same Mr. Cheese as my instructor, or was he kidnapped by aliens last night?”
“Well I’m not going to lie to you Billy Bob, I might have been probed during the night………but that doesn’t matter, I am a new man. Here, I also brought you a membership to Jenny Craig for your fat kid. Get that boy on a diet before he dies.”
“Yeahhhhhh……..ummmmmm…..ok.”
They exchanged some more small talk before Billy Bob invited him into the house to enjoy a wonderful Christmas dinner with his family. Mr. Cheese looked behind the chair immediately to find one large Bubba Fat playing hide and seek much like he did every night waiting for his father. He was relieved. Everything was good, and laughter filled the house…..except that is when Mrs. Billy Bob Crotchrot walked out of the kitchen and saw Mr. Cheese for the first time and began beating him with a rolling pin to within an inch of his life before Billy Bob could explain. But after that everything was good once again, and Mr. Cheese did change his ways, and his life. He lived a long happy 6 months (major stroke took his ass out) always giving full attention to his students and helping every one of them along the way.
The
End
posted by Mr. Cheese @ 6:13 PM
1 Comments:
At 6:52 PM,
Jess B said…
Funniest one yet!!! Loved it!
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