Chapter 3

Spirit Two of Three

Mr. Cheese laid sound asleep in his bed until the horrible beeping sound from his alarm clock awakened him. Unconsciously he reached over with his left hand blindly in the dark trying to find the off switch with his head still buried beneath the sheets. He mumbled into his pillow as his hands glanced over each button until arriving at the one that would silence the screaming beast.

He rolled over in his bed and stared up at the ceiling. His hands formed into little fists as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. His mouth gaping open as he let out a long and exhausted yawn, and just as suddenly as if to be stung by a bee, Mr. Cheese sat straight up in his bed and looked around the room remembering that the second of three spirits was supposed to visit him at 3:00AM.

He looked to the windows but saw nothing, he glanced inside his open closet and again saw nothing. As he turned his head towards his closed bedroom door he could see an ominous glow emitting from the space between the bottom of the door and the floor. He knelt down on the floor and tried to peer underneath but could see nothing. He tilted his head as to put his ear close to the opening and for a brief moment he thought he could hear the sounds of rap music coming from the other room.

Hesitantly, Mr. Cheese stood up and reached for the handle to open the door. It was cold and Mr. Cheese withdrew his hand as if touching a hot stove. After realizing the door could not harm him he once again reached for the handle and slowly began to turn it. As the door opened, a bright light began to fill his room like a tidal wave splashing against the walls and across his floor turning shadows into distinct objects throughout his room.

When the door reached the half way point a voice coming from the living room called out his name and told him to enter. Mr. Cheese was a bit hesitant but eventually succumbed and exited his room.
It was his house, or so it seemed, but something was definitely different. Gold chains and jewelry hung from all the walls giving the room a warm golden glow. On the floor were stacks of coins and money from every denomination. Everything about the room seemed to scream money and Mr. Cheese was beginning to feel a little more at ease.

“Get your ass in here cracker” the ghost demanded “and sit with me and my beautiful bling as so we can get to know each other a little better.”

Mr. Cheese strode across the room not making any eye contact with the ghostly figure that lay across his couch. His eyes were hidden behind oversized dark sun glasses, and he wore a large furry robe much like a pimp. Across his hands lay a ring that covered all four fingers with the words “Yeah” upon them. Atop his head was an over sized baseball cap turned slightly sideways.

“Are you the ghost of Computer Administrative Christmas present?” Asked Mr. Cheese

“WHAT????” replied the ghost

“I said, are you the ghost of Computer Administrative Christmas present?”

“WHAT????” again the ghost replied

“Ghost of Computer Administrative present?” Mr. Cheese repeated

“WHAT????”

“Ghost of Computer Administrative present?”

“YEAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!”

“Ahhhh……ok!” Mr. Cheese sat with a puzzled look at the ghost that sat across from him with a big smile across his face.

“My friends call me Lil John.” The ghost explained

“May I call you the same?” Asked Mr. Cheese

“OK!!!!!!” The ghost shouted “You have never seen the likes of a man such as myself have you Mr. Cheese?”

“No, I must say I have not!”

“Have you never walked with members of my race and statute before?”

“No, I can’t say I have had the pleasure!” Mr. Cheese stated

“WHAT????”

“I said no!”

“WHAT????”

“NO!!” Mr. Cheese was loosing his patience

“OK!!!!”

“Spirit, do with me as you must, I have already learned so much from the last spirit. I await what you shall teach me this hour.”

“Touch my robe” the ghost demanded “NO, not there you sick son of a bitch.”
“Oh sorry” Mr. Cheese moved his hand and grabbed onto the sleeve of the elegant purple and white furry robe.
In an instant the room and all of its glorious jewelry were gone.
They found themselves standing on a street corner of a dismal part of town. The streets were not plowed of their snow as the city refused to come to this part of town. Garbage was strewn about the streets, and cluttered up in large piles in front of old building fronts now all closed down. Windows were boarded up, while other boar bars across them to keep intruders out. It was not a pretty site and not one anybody would want to find themselves living, and yet there seemed to be a good sized population living here. There was but one shop in all of the small town run by a foreign guy paralyzed on his left side from being beaten and robbed so many times.
Mr. Cheese and the spirit stood by for what seemed like hours watching these peasants as they made the best of their poor lives. The spirit was especially and would sprinkle gold dust upon their heads as they passed by. As he did this it would bring a smile to each ones face. Although as with the past, the people could not see Mr. Cheese or the spirit, it seemed as if the mere presence of the spirit seemed to bring joy into the people’s hearts. In time the store closed, and the people on the streets hurried home to begin cooking their Christmas feasts.

“Why do you sprinkle gold dust upon their heads?” asked Mr. Cheese

“Because, it cheers them up, and takes all there worries away if only for a moment.” Responded the spirit

“But they are poor!”

“It is the poor ones that need it the most as they have nothing to begin with.”

“But it is your family and mine that has put these families out in the cold that have deprived them an honest day’s work and it is our past that starves them now.”

“YEAH!!!!” replied the ghost “There are some upon this beautiful earth of your kind….”

“And by “Your kind” you mean white?”

“Yeah…..yeah……that would have us all treated this way if they could prosper from it. Remember this and do not blame them, but only yourself.”

Mr. Cheese nodded his head in acknowledgment. As they strolled down the street they followed one person in particular until he arrived at his home. Once again the spirit began to sprinkle the gold dust across the doorway which read “The Crotchrot Family”. Yes that’s right, the spirit had followed and led Mr. Cheese to the door of the lone student with the tattered clothing.
Snow was beginning to fall outside as the spirit and Mr. Cheese shuffled themselves inside the old house. Before them in the dining area was a large table with place settings for several poeple. A small fire was burning in the fireplace and in the corner was an old Tandy Computer system. Standing next to it were two children around the ages of ten playing a game of pong. As Billy Bob Crotchrot entered the room two more children came running in to great him with smiles and hugs.

“Crotchrot really got around.” Mr. Cheese observed

“YEAH!!!!.......you crackers, always pushin mo babies out den you cans afford.” Replied the ghost.

Billy Bob Crotchrot looked around the room as if puzzled. “Why where is Bubba Fat?” (Not to be confused with Tiny Tim, or Bubba Fet from Star Wars mind you……long story, a lot of legal issues…….) It was always a game for the young stunted lad with an eating disorder which caused him to limp like a short fat Umpa Lumpa, to hide from his father while waiting for him to come home from work. Billy Bob Crotchrot stood in the center of the room for more then five minutes while everyone was silent. Finally after 20 minutes the stunted gimpy fatso boy came waddling out from behind a chair. It took him this long to muster up the strength to stand up.

“Ah there you are my chubby little boy.” Billy Bob Crotchrot bent down and gave his son a hug, his arms barely reaching half way around his large body.

Together they all went back to the table and sat at their respective places to eat dinner. The room was filled with laughter each one telling stories of their daily adventures. They were filled with joy as if they were the richest people on earth. You would have expected a huge fancy feast to arrive on the table with how everyone was caring on, but instead it was not. No huge bowl of mashed potatoes this Christmas day. No Pumpkin pie covered in whip cream. Not even a large stuffed bird to go along with the seasonal tradition. In fact when Mrs. Crotchrot returned from the kitchen with the plate to which the bird lay, it wasn’t even a small turkey, but instead a small pigeon they had found dead on the streets earlier that week stuffed with stale old bread crumbs. Mrs. Crotchrot drove the knife in just as you would with a large bird and gave each person a small portion to feast on. No one complained and they all enjoyed it as if they were sitting and eating at your local “Old Country Buffet”.
After finishing their meals they all nestled in next to the fire as Billy Bob Crotchrot threw another small log into the fireplace. Mrs. Crotchrot brought over a large jug and placed it on a small table beside Billy Bob.

“Ah my fair lady, did you brew me a batch of your famous Orange peal ketchup packet hooch?” Asked Mr. Crotchrot

“I most certainly did, finished fermenting just this morning.” Replied Mrs. Crotchrot

Mr. Crotchrot poured himself a glass of some of the most foul looking liquid ever to enter a mans mouth…….well unless you watched fear factor lately………oh, and there was that time on 5th street with the hooker, but that’s another story another day.
After a couple of glasses Mr. Crotchrot turned to the rest of the family and pronounced
“Merry chrishmash to ush all, God blesh us………BURRPPPPP!!!!!”

To which his family repeated….but with less slurring.

“God bless Twinkies!”  Piped Bubba Fat

The entire family turned their heads to look at Bubba Fat in disgust.

“What the fuck is wrong with you boy!!!!” asked Mrs. Crotchrot

“Oh mother, he’s just hungry.” Replied one of his siblings innocently enough.

“I know he’s hungry, he’s always hungry, why the fuck do you think we had to eat a damn pigeon for dinner tonight. Damn kid eats out of house and home.”
Ma Crotchrot always got like that when she started drinking her hooch. The rest of the family would just ignore her. It was obvious that Bubba Fat’s excessive weight might some day send him to an early grave, this much was you could see just by looking into the sad eyes of the family.

“Tell me spirit” Mr. Cheese inquired “Will Bubba Fat live?”

“I see an empty sunken cushion on the love seat” the ghost replied “And an unopened Twinkie on the coffee table.”

“NO, NO, it can’t be, say it isn’t so spirit.” Mr. Cheese begged

“WHAT????”

“I said…. Oh never mind.”
  
They continued to watch the family on this joyous day.

“And to you Mr. Cheeeeessseee………I toast your wisdom.” Mr. Crotchrot said

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Mrs. Crotchrot asked “That old grumpy bustard, you’re going to waste my good hooch on that asshole?”

“Please mom, not in front of the children.”

“Well I will toast to his death but not to his wisdom” and with that she raised her glass and the rest of the room followed. The mere mention of Mr. Cheese’s name seemed to bring a black cloud to the festivities. They may not have been rich, and they may not have been pretty even by circus freaks standards, but they were happy. Mr. Cheese never took his eyes off of Bubba Fat, his face saddened, his eyes welling up with tears.
The spirit grabbed Mr. Cheese’s sleeve and guided him out of the house.
Mr. Cheese held his head low as they walked down the snow covered sidewalks, not lifting his head when the children snickered as he passed by them, not raising his head to watch the spirit sprinkle his gold dust on the people that crossed their path. He couldn’t stop thinking about poor fat ass Bubba Fat and his fate. A cold chill sent shivers down Mr. Cheese’s spine; he looked up to see a very dark and dismal place, well beyond the city.

“What is this place spirit?” Asked Mr. Cheese

The spirit said nothing but continued on. The sounds of waves could be heard splashing up against a shoreline in the distance. As they continued to walk a dim light shined through the night at the edge of the shore.

“Where are we going now?”

Again the spirit said nothing but continued on. The stepped off of a small dock and onto a boat littered with people. “I recognize these people.” Mr. Cheese commented. Indeed he did, the boat was filled with former students of his.

“Ha, Ha, Ha, Blah Heisenbug, he used to always say.” One of them commented

“Man we used to pick on him so bad behind his back……” another said

“Yeah, poor old son of a bitch never new what hit him when we were in there, I almost feel sorry for him.”

“Well I don’t” One student spoke up “he was a bitter old asshole who made learning anything a living hell.”

“Well it’s a pity he didn’t want to join us tonight to celebrate our graduation. He never was one for social gatherings.”

“Let’s play a game shall we. I will think of something and you all have to try and guess it, you may ask me any yes or no question you want and I will answer honestly. So who will begin?”

The students were all too eager to play along and before long they were barking out questions. “Is it an animal?” asked one to which the reply was “No!”, “Is it human?” to which the reply was “Yes!” It wasn’t long before they had narrowed it down to a human male.

“Is he old?”

“Yes!”

“Is he an asshole?”
“Yes!”

“I’ve got it, is it Mr. Cheese?”

“Yes, you’ve got it.” The student shouted in enthusiasm. The entire group roared with laughter at poor Mr. Cheese’s expense.

“Well Mr. Cheese, a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you, wherever you may be this night.” And with that the students all held up their glasses and toasted one another.

A single tear ran down Mr. Cheese’s cheek as he watched the entire display.

“I had no idea I was looked upon as such an evil person” But before Mr. Cheese could utter another word, the entire scene layed out in front of them was gone just as quickly as it had appeared. He glanced back at the spirit who now appeared to have aged significantly throughout the night.

“Is your spirit life short?” Asked Scrooge

“YEAH!!!!”

“Oh Christ here we go again.” Mr. Cheese shook his head back and forth with his hand on his forehead.

Suddenly the old town clock stuck the hour of 4:00AM. Mr. Cheese raised his head to look at the spirit, but he was gone. Mr. Cheese was left alone in the dark with only the sound of the wind blowing through the dried branches on the trees scratching against themselves as they swayed back and forth. As the last stroke of the clock rang out Mr. Cheese remembered what the ghost who had visited him the first night had told him.
His heart began to pound loudly inside his chest as he could feel an uncomfortable presence surrounding him. His breathing became rapid as he was frozen in his tracks. Afraid to look around in hopes that maybe if he didn’t see the last spirit it might go away and yet for some reason he felt compelled to turn his head. Off in the distance he could see a dark figure approaching him. It was draped in a long black cloak; a hood over its head hid its face from being seen. It did not walk, but instead seemed to float a few inches off the ground as it approached him. Kind of like Chris Angel. Mr. Cheese looked back in hopes that the other spirit might reappear and take him away from this evil looking ghost, but there was nothing there. He turned back to the direction in which the spirit was fast approaching, who was now hovering over him like a dark shadow.

“Oh shit, this can’t be good.”